Week 1: THE Approach and Mindset

NOTE: All the materials here are raw and unedited. This is an action program and designed for participation.

The video and materials are being provided to support you, our BETA students. This class will not be made public to future students of the program.


Watch the 9 minute video (button below) to prepare for next week’s in-class “how to” of the core negotiators’ skill of tactical empathy.

The Raw Transcript

Karen Judd Smith: First of all welcome to everybody, and thank you so much for coming to join us at the confidence negotiators masterclass actually i’m really excited about this it’s ended up settling on that allows from my side allows me to tie together a lot of stuff that’s been.
Karen Judd Smith: deeply on my heart for many years, so anyway that’s just my side of this, but I am excited for you to because I think we’re going to cover a lot.
Karen Judd Smith: And we’re going to learn a lot about one another, not from the point of view of you know, history where we’ve been and what we’ve done as much as we’re going to be exploring part of our inner world.
Karen Judd Smith: Because that’s you’re going to gradually you’ll begin to see that this approach to negotiating is actually very intuitive.
Karen Judd Smith: can potentially be very healing for all parties and create the optimal situation for the best outcomes for everybody.
Karen Judd Smith: So it’s i’m really excited about it, but before we get into all that stuff and before I share my screen and do those kinds of fun things.
Karen Judd Smith: Why don’t we at least start and go around the room and and introduce ourselves and now there’s the potential for about three more people to be coming in i’m not certain, they all will oh hi grace.
Karen Judd Smith: But if you can perhaps i’m going to start with beverly because she just happens to be in my top left around my.
Karen Judd Smith: screen if you can introduce give your name I mean we can all probably read but anyway, your name.
Karen Judd Smith: Your your city and country and what time of day, just so we know to be i’m sorry for you or happy for you.
Karen Judd Smith: And yeah and and.
Karen Judd Smith: If you’ve got just you know something very quick about the area, the field of work that you work in some family.
Beverley: hi i’m beverly so I live in Melbourne Victoria and it’s one I was just looking back probably finish about three I am so ready to go start at
Beverley: And I speciality is mental health research i’m an independent researcher, and I mean for her consultants and i’ve developed, something that no one else has done before in the world, now, I have to negotiate to get it out into the world.
Karen Judd Smith: There you go Thank you beverly and, by the way, Melbourne Victoria is in Australia Southern Hemisphere it’s winter time down there so.
Karen Judd Smith: And you’re in lock down.
Beverley: Oh, mostly yes.
Karen Judd Smith: Oh yeah.
Karen Judd Smith: Okay, so next we have early and I think grace in the background running around.

Karen Judd Smith: If you’d like to introduce yourself.

Merly Barlaan: Hello everyone, my name is molly barlow I am from New York.
Merly Barlaan: I am new to my post.

Merly Barlaan: The Deputy Director of the women’s Federation for world peace, international, the UN Office, and so I feel that I really need this course negotiating and I think Karen scores is.

Merly Barlaan: Something that I need to go through and it’s a must, so thank you, thank you Karen.

Karen Judd Smith: And grace we can’t see your name on the screen, but we know you they’re.

Merly Barlaan: going to introduce yourself hi i’m great i’m the administrator for one federation and in a show you an office in New York, you hear me.

Karen Judd Smith: Not very well, you might need to get a little closer to the to the microphone.

Merly Barlaan: yeah my name is grace Kelly i’m the administrator here in New York for the you and office federation yeah, this is my second course with Karen excited.

Karen Judd Smith: Thank you.

Karen Judd Smith: Next, one going around Cynthia down in San Diego.

Cynthia Luvlee-Austin: Yes, good morning Good afternoon, good evening it’s so wonderful to be here, thank you for the invitation, it is
am in San Diego and sunny outside.
Cynthia Luvlee-Austin: So we’re just getting the day started.

Cynthia Luvlee-Austin: I my career has been a nonprofit startup specialist and recently like three years ago, I took that passion started my own nonprofit some in a leadership role definitely need negotiation.

Cynthia Luvlee-Austin: As a part of contracts and moving forward and I work to promote the financial independence of survivors of human trafficking, my my.

Cynthia Luvlee-Austin: teacher.

Karen Judd Smith: yeah Thank you Cynthia and raquel if you are able to.

Raquel Schlosser: Yes, i’m.

Raquel Schlosser: In Mexico City i’m the founder of the Institute for regeneration and studies and we develop a new profession and i’m certified by the Ministry of Education.

Raquel Schlosser: In transgenerational psychology so we give master’s degree in the frame we have developed the frame them.

Raquel Schlosser: tools for for the repeated patterns in a very interesting interested in the course because we have a mediation course, so how to mediate with family, so I think I will get many interesting creative ideation tools for that.

Karen Judd Smith: Thank you tell them stay safe on the road.

Karen Judd Smith: Patrick.
Patrick Erlandson: Patrick Johnson i’m in Los Angeles, and it is really wonderful to see you Cynthia.

Patrick Erlandson: We were introduced by Karen.

Patrick Erlandson: it’s a also sunny in Los Angeles.

Patrick Erlandson: Sorry, to you beverly.

Patrick Erlandson: And I also work in the field of human trafficking, I have two organizations that I founded one is a film and art festival.
Patrick Erlandson: For awareness of human trafficking and the other is Father con which is really targeting fathers as kind of central to preventing human trafficking.
Patrick Erlandson: So i’m really looking forward to this i’ve gotten to know Karen little by little and i’m so impressed with her and really looking forward to this.
Karen Judd Smith: Thank you, Patrick and chaplain Maryland.
Karen Judd Smith: you’re still muted.
Karen Judd Smith: oops I might have.
Karen Judd Smith: pushed a button saying.
Chaplain Marilyn: Well Hello from sunny California another person who I live in central valley fresno area so i’m used to sunshine so.
Chaplain Marilyn: Welcome to everybody from sunny California, I guess i’m a retired hospice and hospital chaplain was in that profession for
years and i’m now developing and teaching coursework and loss grief and recovery.
Chaplain Marilyn: And i’m fascinated by the whole concept of negotiation, because a lot of what happens in bereavement care and recovery from loss and grief isn’t negotiating process so that’s why i’m here to learn some more some more about the aspects of negotiating.
Karen Judd Smith: Thank you, thank you Marilyn and Camille.
Camilo Arias Rivera: Hello everyone nice to see you again Karen so I met with Karen a few months ago, in November, because i’m a conference interpreter, and I help her when she organized a series of conferences up sorry about this, I go she organized a series of conference about domestic violence during the.
Camilo Arias Rivera: era, so I live close to Geneva in a small town near the Swiss border, because it is much cheaper living in France.
Camilo Arias Rivera: In them from Columbia won’t but i’ve been living in France for
years and it’s five o’clock in the afternoon, it is not sunny at all it’s raining a lot of this moment.
Camilo Arias Rivera: And i’ve always been a lousy negotiator, I always tend to make concessions, rather than negotiating because I don’t like negotiating and I prefer keeping everyone happy, but.
Karen Judd Smith: Hopefully we can give you some ideas that will help you deal with that in a way that really sits well with with you and that’s part of the goal of of this.
Karen Judd Smith: So, thank you very much for for this way, as you can see where from Europe to Australia, no self even just a few people and gosh we just about cover the world so fantastic I am now going to switch into my.
Karen Judd Smith: into my teaching mode but there’s Hopefully there will be this today will be a little bit more covering a lot of territory to create a kind of a background for you as we move through we’re going to definitely get into.
Karen Judd Smith: doing some work together, because negotiating is not just about thinking.
Karen Judd Smith: it’s not enough to have an idea of what it is we need to do we’ve got to start and develop some muscles for it so.
Karen Judd Smith: Let me share my screen.
Karen Judd Smith: I think yeah.
Karen Judd Smith: Let me.
Karen Judd Smith: go in here.
Karen Judd Smith: So we have started and so basically it’s just mostly I do really encourage you to totally immerse yourself in this, I would also suggest that you get a pen and paper.
Karen Judd Smith: Not to type notes and there’s a reason for this, a lot of what we’re going to be dealing with this is the reality of the way our brains work.
Karen Judd Smith: No matter what we think our brains work a certain way, and so, even for us to begin to immerse our souls and.
Karen Judd Smith: retrain some of the things that we do, which is part of what we wanting to do is to learn how to do some things different way than pen and papers really good for that, and so, then, as we move on through i’m going to invite you to be a curious more curious about.
Karen Judd Smith: elves well not elves but else.
Karen Judd Smith: So just a little bit about me, I know that, but some of you have known me for years, some of you for not very long at all.
Karen Judd Smith: I like to think of myself as an adventure my life story might tell you that global citizen.
Karen Judd Smith: At some level of course not perfectly by any means, but entrepreneurial yeah.
Karen Judd Smith: I do have exceptional TV and soon that i’m the host of that and I am going to be launching it on an on a new APP and so at some stage down the road I would definitely like to.
Karen Judd Smith: interview, some of you for the different channel, you know different parts of that.
Karen Judd Smith: i’m mostly known over the last
years anyway for walking around working with international NGOs on peace and justice issues at the United Nations.
Karen Judd Smith: i’ve trained over you know in over the years about
0 at least international activists and social change leaders about how to navigate the UN how to navigate and negotiate a contribution to change in difference in the intergovernmental UN arena.
Karen Judd Smith: I have developed my own transcendent leadership model and you’ll hear me referring to that at different stages, but part of that framework.
Karen Judd Smith: That has emerged over the years informs the way I even look at at this work of negotiating and I did author, a couple of best Amazon best selling books change it up with the Co author of that one was Maryln.
Karen Judd Smith: And United Nations unlocked that you’re not United Nations unlocked was
16, as I mentioned that I was.
Karen Judd Smith: I was challenged to to respond when I was in Vienna at the the.
Karen Judd Smith: Crime Commission in
16 as I watched civil society, the NGOs respond in the intergovernmental situation and watching them quote unquote negotiate, but not from a position all.
Karen Judd Smith: From my point of view, not from a position of power and that was mostly because they were anyway, I won’t get into the details here but um That was when I decided to write that book and.
Karen Judd Smith: that’s helped develop a whole slew of things for me um so here just some pictures i’ve worked on number of things over the years I don’t know whether you recognize any of our friends in in Vienna or here have spoken at special sessions of the General Assembly.
Karen Judd Smith: In special sessions Microsoft done at the UN i’ve spent one of my lifetimes I was a boat boat captain and rent a fleet of boats all kinds of fun things in my life.
Karen Judd Smith: I really have got a few lives, and so, when people ask me what I do I kind of go i’m not quite sure which one do you want me to tell you about.
Karen Judd Smith: But anyway, i’ve been very, very lucky in that way, so what we’re going to be covering in this these five weeks because i’ve scrunched it down to five weeks sorry my own schedule needed to work that way.
Karen Judd Smith: It could be done longer and my next round Oh yes, and I do want to say thank you in advance.
Karen Judd Smith: That this is my first round so that’s why i’m calling it a beta program, so I am genuinely looking for feedback from all of you.
Karen Judd Smith: In the process, so that by the time we move through this and, at the end of it, I will be getting back to you because I want your input.
Karen Judd Smith: On what would work better how to improve it, so that by the time the I really get this thing started next time round in September it’s it’s in much better shape, so thank you for your in advance for your contributions.
Karen Judd Smith: But what we’re going to be doing basically over these five weeks we’re going to be looking at I call it be approach and mindset, the he is just I want you to do, I guess, I use these funny little things the is something that we see everywhere right.
Karen Judd Smith: it’s three letters that’s almost in every sentence.
Karen Judd Smith: Now, whenever you see it, I want you to always remember that the human element thc is it play in almost everything that you do and i’ll explain more about what I mean by the human element soon.
Karen Judd Smith: But so today we’re mostly going to be looking at the approach and then the the implications of that approach.
Karen Judd Smith: Address mindset and how we how we approach and how we think about and therefore will be needing to kind of be aware of our own mindset and do and be involved in a process of self correction.
Karen Judd Smith: becoming a good negotiator does not happen, because we flipped a switch.
Karen Judd Smith: it’s a communication skill set and it’s something i’m working on, I have strengths in my negotiation skill set and I have weaknesses i’ve done things well i’ve done things extremely well at times and i’ve done things horrendously.
Karen Judd Smith: and
Karen Judd Smith: The best of thing, the reality is that we keep learning if we keep building our awareness building your skill set, then we keep it’s like muscles you don’t go to the gym one day.
Karen Judd Smith: strengthen those muscles and then walk away and never have to do it again.
Karen Judd Smith: Sorry, I wish becoming a good negotiator was like that, but it’s it’s something that we continuously work on, and so we just have to keep a part of it is is not feeling frustrated or.
Karen Judd Smith: annoyed with ourselves, because that’s the way it is, but to recognize that that actually is a great opportunity for continuous improvement.
Karen Judd Smith: Next week we’re going to be looking at the
key skills of negotiation now i’ll introduce some of these to some of them, in passing, some of them a little bit more in depth, even today.
Karen Judd Smith: But then we’ll systematically go over those
key skills of negotiating next week, so that you’re very clear about them.
Karen Judd Smith: We will also begin practicing some of these skills next week and i’ll have some homework for you this week.
Karen Judd Smith: Strengthening your core.
Karen Judd Smith: When I say that and you’ll you’ll see that.
Karen Judd Smith: This whole concept of fitness is something that I, that I build into it, because I want.
Karen Judd Smith: I want to underscore the importance of the growth and the development and the improvement that takes place and that there are just like for our bodies, we need to have a solid strengthen our core you know very gut quite literally.
Karen Judd Smith: That, then, carries us through so much about our own life, now the way we carry ourselves physically, the way the confidence, the uprightness though whatever it is.
Karen Judd Smith: As we go out into the world, but also for our negotiations, there are some core skills that we that are important to work on and these take a little bit more time for us to feel comfortable with some of us here might already be quite comfortable with them.
Karen Judd Smith: Just simply because that’s being part of their their professional skill set.
Karen Judd Smith: But even those sometimes with those skills in their professional skill set sometimes we segment those things in our lives, you don’t always apply them to us all, so.
Karen Judd Smith: We will be looking at strengthen our core strengthening our core for the purpose of improving our ability to negotiate well.
Karen Judd Smith: The fourth week we’re going to be looking at mastering know.
Karen Judd Smith: Now I know there’s there’s a number of ways that we like to be able to say no.
Karen Judd Smith: I mean Camilo even mentioned one of you in it obliquely and I hear from many women oftentimes it’s difficult to say no so mastering no.
Karen Judd Smith: But it’s going to be interesting, because I think i’m going to introduce know from some other different angles and we’re also going to be looking at how to handle difficult conversations in a way that’s what negotiation is handling difficult conversations.
Karen Judd Smith: Final week we’re going to be looking at prospect theory a few other things and negotiating styles and then coming back to our elves but again it’s just a way to underscore our emotional life fitness so a lot of this is about building those soft skills of our emotional intelligence.
Karen Judd Smith: What I want to do now.
Karen Judd Smith: is asked you to do something, before we get going, I want you to create a baseline for this class so i’m going to give you i’m going to put them on the screen and i’m also going to drop into the chat.
Karen Judd Smith: Let me see i’m going to drop into the chat.
Karen Judd Smith: A file for everybody, you can download it if you’ve got the ability to print it out, you can write down your answers print this out just quickly and right.
Karen Judd Smith: right answers on it, or just grab a piece of paper and i’ll put on the screen, the questions that I do have for you.
Karen Judd Smith: And I will make sure that this PDF is also available in the Members area and we’ll get into some housekeeping before we end up in the day and i’ll go over where the membership area is and how that will work.
Karen Judd Smith: But that’s mostly just to be a repository a place where you can always go to to get get access to information, etc.
Karen Judd Smith: So.
Karen Judd Smith: The questions, and now I want you to i’m going to time this I want I want you to answer in a very and i’ll we’ll go into some of the reasons why I do it this way, a little while, but I want to just very first I want you to do.
Karen Judd Smith: To engage in this way, so the first three questions on one side of the PDF.
Karen Judd Smith: And I will put the questions up in a minute on the screen.
Karen Judd Smith: I want you to answer them quickly very fast intuitive responses I don’t, this is not to be belabored and thought a lot about do not.
Karen Judd Smith: Animal do not get analytical and this just those things will come to mind very quickly if you if you allow them to.
Karen Judd Smith: So we’re going to do three answer three questions and i’m going to give you three minutes to do that, then we’ll take a break i’ll get some feedback and then i’m going to ask you to do the other.
Karen Judd Smith: Other part of the question, the other question.
Karen Judd Smith: And then we’ll get you to do that, so this is again, this is a baseline for you, this is one way that you can see where you’re beginning, so that by the time we get to the end of the Program.
Karen Judd Smith: you’ll have some baseline for you to see did you learn anything or not was there, so good idea to spend these two hours a week for five weeks doing this or not.
Karen Judd Smith: This will help you understand whether it’s good to come and do any more courses with me if I ever do anymore, you know who knows, but the point is this is self reflection, for you, most of this, and these questions that I asked at any time in this course okay.
Karen Judd Smith: Let me.
Karen Judd Smith: Stop the share for the moment.
Karen Judd Smith: Because in this time together.
Karen Judd Smith: We will be doing self reflection will be thinking or deeply we will be a times sharing you might decide or not I don’t know.
Karen Judd Smith: But the main point is, I want to make this a safe space for everybody, and so I would like everybody to acknowledge that that we honor this space together that this that we respect one another in this space what what happens in Vegas nope sorry not face.
Karen Judd Smith: What happens.
Karen Judd Smith: What happens, what happens in this zoom room stays in this zoom room, of course, you know you’re allowed to say.
Karen Judd Smith: anything about yourself outside of here, but the main point is just to honor and respect one another.
Karen Judd Smith: So I don’t expect anything totally dramatic, but the main point here is that we can feel safe in what we do share, you will never be asked to share anything more than you want to share.
Karen Judd Smith: There are many experiences in your life that you can choose to share, about if you know if at some stage it’s it’s useful or appropriate.
Karen Judd Smith: So just pick the ones that you’re comfortable with sharing so um but part of why you will be asked at different times is because it’s important.
Karen Judd Smith: it’s important for you, for me to become more comfortable with playing in this inner life, because if we’re not comfortable dealing with our own emotions and our own feelings, what does that mean for our counterpart in negotiations.
Karen Judd Smith: What that might mean is that, if we don’t know what triggers us, and if we get triggered and if we’re not finding ways to address those things within ourselves guess what can be used against us.
Karen Judd Smith: either intentionally and maliciously or just simply because somebody happened to push the wrong button.
Karen Judd Smith: So part of what great negotiators have is emotional fitness emotional intelligence and what that means is not just understanding we have emotions.
Karen Judd Smith: Not just being in touch with our emotions.
Karen Judd Smith: But gaining some facility with handling them even in difficult circumstances, when the pressure is on or when we feel nervous or pressured.
Karen Judd Smith: we’ve still got ways to handle that.
Karen Judd Smith: If we are unable to strengthen that capacity within our souls will always be exposed.
Karen Judd Smith: To being.
Karen Judd Smith: handled by somebody else.
Karen Judd Smith: And when we do get triggered or we do get a sensitive point touched, we need to have.
Karen Judd Smith: We need to have consciously developed ways go to places go to steps.
Karen Judd Smith: that we know will help protect us and prepare us to respond more appropriately.
Karen Judd Smith: Does that make sense.
Karen Judd Smith: So part of the reason why we’re doing this, you know, maybe it seems like touchy feely stuff.
Karen Judd Smith: Is because i’m sorry, but we are all touchy feely beings.
Karen Judd Smith: We all have those parts of us we just do.
Karen Judd Smith: So part of what we are doing in our time together is exploring this being curious about it was learning about it and beginning because we’re not going to reach.
Karen Judd Smith: we’re not going to reach the end end goal by by you know, in five weeks, but we’re going to start making progress along that journey in our five weeks so.
Karen Judd Smith: So back to our baseline I am about to.
Karen Judd Smith: Know i’m not gonna i’m not gonna quite push the button yet.
Karen Judd Smith: OK, so the three questions the three questions that I want you to first answer in the first three minutes.
Karen Judd Smith: And then I want you to have like four dots for each one I want you to answer just, and this is kind of like naming one or two in one or two words you don’t have to write out whole sentences.
Karen Judd Smith: Just a word or a couple of words that that that help you identify the biggest challenges and fears when you face a difficult conversation on negotiation with number one your superiors your superiors or your bosses.
Karen Judd Smith: Your peers number two three your subordinates or direct reports and number for your families and loved ones, because we don’t just.
Karen Judd Smith: Work in our lives with bosses we don’t just work with peers, we don’t just work with our families, we don’t just work without subordinate we negotiate we end up in negotiating relationships with all of these.
Karen Judd Smith: So.
Karen Judd Smith: On a piece of paper question number one for being for superior buses series of bosses peers subordinates or direct reports and families or loved one.
Karen Judd Smith: question number two, how do you naturally currently handle these.
Karen Judd Smith: Do you avoid it do you run away from it, do you know just get mad do you put your foot down, you know what what’s your current method of when you get to a difficult conversation with each one of these, how do you handle it and then.
Karen Judd Smith: When, then the third question for each of these four, what is the biggest thorn in your side, as a result of your current process what, what are the things that you don’t like the happen as a result of the way you currently handle these any questions about my questions.
Karen Judd Smith: If you’ve got if you do have a question just unmute yourself and ask otherwise i’m about to push a three minute.
Karen Judd Smith: Just answer really quickly ready set go.
Karen Judd Smith: we’re coming up to three minutes.
Karen Judd Smith: Okay.
Karen Judd Smith: Perhaps a tiny little bit more, and then I also noticed that we also have Fatima joining us, I believe, from Nigeria.
Karen Judd Smith: Did you want to introduce yourself.
Karen Judd Smith: If you’re if we don’t introduce ourselves sorry so yeah go ahead, just your name and where we are and what you do.
Ifeoma Ossai: Okay Hello everyone good morning i’m a former or sigh calling in from Nigeria it’s presently.
Ifeoma Ossai: For
PM here in Nigeria, the founder of.
Ifeoma Ossai: Africa Center for training and development it’s nice to be here with you all.
Karen Judd Smith: Thank you reforma yeah Thank you.
Karen Judd Smith: Okay, so um does anybody want to share any any parts of what they discovered, as they they went through those.
Karen Judd Smith: Anybody not want to share and therefore it would be good to.
Patrick Erlandson: I found like kind of consistently that the way that I often approach.
Patrick Erlandson: Situations me Derek golf or in all of the different relationships was really kind of avoiding that are delaying and putting off difficult conversations, as long as I possibly could and then, and then the result being kind of feeling more frustrated and.
Patrick Erlandson: And kind of like backed into a corner and and the that’s kind of I found that with like basically all for the relationships, where that the biggest problem where when I put things off or avoided.
Patrick Erlandson: kind of a direct confrontation or expressing what I really what I really wanted, and one of the one of the feelings that kind of came up to is just always feeling like I don’t really know enough or you know somehow i’m being selfish and.
Patrick Erlandson: So those feelings are kind of.
Karen Judd Smith: came up, thank you, thank you, Patrick.
Karen Judd Smith: Yes, anybody else.
Karen Judd Smith: Patrick was the only one.
Patrick Erlandson: I decided not to put it off.
Karen Judd Smith: There you go.
Karen Judd Smith: Any other quick thoughts.
Karen Judd Smith: Go ahead just unmute yourself and jump in you were a small enough group to do that so.
Karen Judd Smith: Your music muted still Marilyn.
Karen Judd Smith: There you go.
MarilynMorris: Okay, I found an interesting dichotomy with peers subordinates and family and loved ones.
MarilynMorris: It was just plunge ahead and engage with superiors it was hesitate.
MarilynMorris: and delay or altogether avoid.
MarilynMorris: Engaging in negotiating and the cost of that or the fear of the reason for that was i’m I i’m worried all anger, the boss and lose the opportunity to accomplish.
MarilynMorris: The project i’m seeing i’m wanting to endeavor and so based on that you know that hesitation, then I don’t bring forward projects that i’d like to do, and so that opportunity those opportunities get lost.
Karen Judd Smith: So there’s your loss and your grief.
MarilynMorris: yeah but I need some recovery tactics here Karen said.
Karen Judd Smith: Well let’s see what we can do in these coming days.
Karen Judd Smith: anyone else.
Beverley: Well, I usually back off and keep quiet.
Karen Judd Smith: You keep quiet.
Beverley: And back off, you know just back away.
Karen Judd Smith: In all four for each each one of those categories.
Karen Judd Smith: or differently across the categories.
Beverley: The first one, I don’t have.
Beverley: and
Beverley: will pay is still getting my point across you know people quite backing back a bit.
Beverley: You know, so it is.
Beverley: The inability to speak up and get my point across I guess current part.
Karen Judd Smith: Okay, thank you.
Karen Judd Smith: Yes, go ahead and early.
Merly Barlaan: yeah me, and when I think of the most challenging is when I think of superiors.
Merly Barlaan: My character is I mostly want to please or follow whatever they want the problem is like I gotta deal with many, many superiors and pleasing each one of them is very difficult me it’s very stressful.
Merly Barlaan: With family it’s easier because I just don’t talk and just you know I think when we especially with my husband and you know, but it doesn’t mean after.
Merly Barlaan: Four days i’ll be fine and that I am I can talk in a sane way so that’s how I keep the peace and in terms of subordinates for me i’d like to collect their ideas just you know.
Merly Barlaan: see what they want, but yeah my challenge is really more and giving in to one my superior ones, especially when there are many.
Karen Judd Smith: I just noticed that when you, you said that’s the way I keep the peace.
Merly Barlaan: Yes, temporarily I know it’s temporary it’s really not a TV and if.
Merly Barlaan: I can go great.
Merly Barlaan: Well, this is not at all strange.
Merly Barlaan: yeah, I guess, like the fears that come up for me in most areas of my life, I know I can be kind of a persuasive person, and so the fear that comes across that month like.
Merly Barlaan: My way becomes the way.
Merly Barlaan: So, like my fear is that when I speak ever have difficult conversations it’s not a negotiation at all it’s really just I win that sounds weird.
Merly Barlaan: But um yeah I think that’s that’s the fear because it’s like I I resonate with Patrick of the the feeling of like not necessarily knowing if I right and so not being challenged.
Merly Barlaan: On what I think like my fear is that, like.
Merly Barlaan: Then, something goes wrong spikeball.
Merly Barlaan: yeah I think like that’s all.
Karen Judd Smith: yeah Thank you yeah, I guess, so I heard you say that that you’re concerned that.
Karen Judd Smith: you’re not that you’re mandating rather than collaborating.
Merly Barlaan: yeah yeah and so like i’m aware of that, I know I have to still work on it alive like i’m like I can be very think I can be pre directory.
Merly Barlaan: So um yeah so it’s just like trying to kind of temper that to try and yeah because my heart is in the place of like wanting to collaborate, but then I think my i’m still working on being able to.
Karen Judd Smith: hear from them.
Merly Barlaan: Know be able to speak in a way, where maybe doesn’t come across as many like yeah.
Karen Judd Smith: Thank you.
Karen Judd Smith: anyone else.
Cynthia Luvlee-Austin: Oh shit.
Karen Judd Smith: Oh yeah Camilo Monica sorry Cynthia go ahead yeah okay.
Cynthia Luvlee-Austin: So interesting the way I did the worksheet because I think I got to the core when I was with my family is.
Cynthia Luvlee-Austin: My fear is like I won’t be heard loved accepted my ideas are going to be shot down, and I could really like connect that to this voice in my head that’s like telling me now I don’t know sh sh it.
Cynthia Luvlee-Austin: And it just kind of bubbles there was interesting and and there’s discomfort and how others will proceed my requests.
Cynthia Luvlee-Austin: Especially if I need something to get done i’m a little bit too easy and then doesn’t really get done the way that I want, and then I feel like I have to follow up and then so it just drags the process.
Cynthia Luvlee-Austin: over a long period of time is not just boom done this is what needs to be done let’s get going.
Cynthia Luvlee-Austin: And so I deal with that, like you take deep breaths a lot of years can be shared from the nervousness in my stomach before the negotiation, if I know i’m going into that there’s a lot of like freak out ahead of time.
Cynthia Luvlee-Austin: But I do have the conversation and I started with like this is what my ask is or yeah This is my ask.
Cynthia Luvlee-Austin: that’s my leg goes to this just get it out.
Cynthia Luvlee-Austin: yeah.
Cynthia Luvlee-Austin: I know that I see a different right and they all kind of mold together for me.
Karen Judd Smith: And I certainly identify with you about the family i’ve got a very strong family and I one of my concerns they.
Karen Judd Smith: they’re not going to hear me.
Cynthia Luvlee-Austin: Oh.
Karen Judd Smith: i’m just saying i’m just adding in my life that was one of things, yes.
Cynthia Luvlee-Austin: i’ve been her right.
Karen Judd Smith: Even having heard, even by your own family yeah.
Cynthia Luvlee-Austin: yeah and and speaking, it clearly like it, they had like yours, at the beginning that emotional regulation.
Cynthia Luvlee-Austin: And that highly intuitive highly emotional person so that bubbles some excited to learn how to keep that so that I can have a clear thought there’s kind of a disconnect there for me when the emotions come in yeah.
Karen Judd Smith: Thank you sure.
Karen Judd Smith: Camille.
Camilo Arias Rivera: I you have I always have the feeling, they will find some flow on something i’m seeing so, even if I have it right, and if I even if I know I have all the right arguments to do justify my point of view.
Camilo Arias Rivera: i’m always afraid they will find something that.
Camilo Arias Rivera: Is some flow in my speech, and they will use that they will push that button to say you’re wrong, and then I would end up being threatened by your base superior being challenged by.
Camilo Arias Rivera: By some by your P or or someone I bet reports to me, or if it is the case of the family member that.
Camilo Arias Rivera: That they will make me lose my temper.
Camilo Arias Rivera: Because i’m always thinking of the thing that I haven’t covered so I have counter arguments for everything else, and then I discovered that I don’t have counter arguments for that small flow.
Karen Judd Smith: As you took that.
Karen Judd Smith: brings me to one of the things we will look at and cover in our time together is the four main types of negotiators.
Karen Judd Smith: and understanding which type, you are and therefore understanding, you know how you engage with others, all those different types, so that that will be interesting, I think, for everybody, when we get to that section as well and that came out just there.
Karen Judd Smith: Your family, did you want to say anything, are you ready to any any thoughts or you’re able to I know you’re going to be busy this morning at this time this evening.
Ifeoma Ossai: Basically.
Ifeoma Ossai: When having a difficult discussion with my superiors.
Ifeoma Ossai: I don’t know I just have the wheel.
Ifeoma Ossai: um it’s for me if either I.
Ifeoma Ossai: I can handle it or I can handle it, I think.
Ifeoma Ossai: I just see myself there, so if it’s something that’s.
Ifeoma Ossai: Probably i’m not able to handle i’m not able to.
Ifeoma Ossai: turn it in I simply got killed in frumpy I just tactically for myself until.
Ifeoma Ossai: The discussion.
Ifeoma Ossai: far superior for.
Ifeoma Ossai: For Somebody needs.
Ifeoma Ossai: I am someone that is open to learning okay so.
Ifeoma Ossai: I don’t know basically present it’s almost like I have access to everything so.
Ifeoma Ossai: So i’m saying situation with them.
Ifeoma Ossai: um yeah has actually I recently, a number of times once.
Ifeoma Ossai: it’s the same thing it’s the same thing.
Ifeoma Ossai: I don’t back off when it comes to sometimes we call them, maybe.
Ifeoma Ossai: put it off, so I know that’s all we like traits like resolving I I probably.
Ifeoma Ossai: would have meets my weaknesses there, for instance, like, I want to use the examples of them I used to lecture right, so there are times when students would ask questions you know and, probably, I never thought about six, so I will just give them my opinion and let them know that is my opinion.
Ifeoma Ossai: We can you know, research and if they get something contrary we can discuss it and the next class and most times before coming to the next class i’ll read up you know more research on that topic so if we happen to bring it up i’ll be ready to respond so that’s how you handle it.
Karen Judd Smith: Very good, well, thank you, everybody I raquel if you’re driving I don’t know whether you’ve got any thing that the part of the main point of doing this is for you to, in a sense, see yourself better because you’re you’re the one who’s going to be working with you the most.
Raquel Schlosser: And I just I couldn’t write when I have some idea.
Karen Judd Smith: Thank you rock out.
Karen Judd Smith: With my boss.
Raquel Schlosser: I haven’t had.
Raquel Schlosser: For many years was when I had coaches say when negotiating ever they had a very oh sorry sorry no way of behaving so when.
Raquel Schlosser: When I raised my voice or yesterday we had an opinion, the end of the three relationships with process so with two of them was terrible was war, finally, and I had to be so.
Raquel Schlosser: Then we fears for me easier because.
Raquel Schlosser: I eat it easier, the relationship with employees.
Raquel Schlosser: I learn about myself that I.
Raquel Schlosser: have my things that I will not negotiate so instead of having the problem I see with them and I tell them.
Raquel Schlosser: I can deal with these topics these is black or white, for me, so don’t touch them don’t mess with that because they cannot manage itself that help us know, because then it’s healthy and we tell me I usually.
Raquel Schlosser: Keep up.
Raquel Schlosser: method I i’m more in the show the shelter family, whatever the needs are and.
Raquel Schlosser: Any only knew that I start the sink on me is separate like negotiating or talking about my own needs, but usually that was not on this on the screen to write me to work and we’re not.
Raquel Schlosser: important for me in my family, so I usually keep up and then not give up.
Raquel Schlosser: I.
Raquel Schlosser: I was last in my needs because I really had my.
Raquel Schlosser: Professional you know, taking in where they were happy was Okay, for me, but it’s changing now, so the skills of negotiation are new in my family.
Karen Judd Smith: Thank you, thank you raquel.
Karen Judd Smith: Thank you, everybody, so I think you know we can see their differences and similarities and and I hope it was interesting to look at the different style you know the.
Karen Judd Smith: Like when we negotiate with our bosses or without peers or with you know with our families, you know they’re there are slightly we’ve we’ve got different comfort levels with each one of those.
Karen Judd Smith: And perhaps in time you’ll notice that there are there are things that we do in each of those areas that we don’t do in other areas, so i’m going to jump now quickly to the next question, and this one is just a minute, and this is more for I want you to.
Karen Judd Smith: step into this so that you can, and this is one of those moments, where I want you to feel something hmm again.
Karen Judd Smith: And let me put on the screen so again, one minute this, this will be for this one.
Karen Judd Smith: And mostly I just want you to sit with this, but I want you again in each one of these cases and so to sit and think how this might be with your superiors your peers your subordinates of direct reports your family your loved ones, and that is what would it look and feel like.
Karen Judd Smith: If you went into each negotiation or challenging encounter with a clear plan you’d have some kind of clarity in your mind having practiced each skill that you know, is important for building rapport and trust.
Karen Judd Smith: Knowing that you could uncover the information you need to work toward a more optimal outcome for you and your counterpart.
Karen Judd Smith: And that you would be clear that you don’t have to compromise your own needs and wants and that you can communicate these.
Karen Judd Smith: When with your negotiating or communications counterpart so i’ll leave these on the screen again so you know the full groups and just.
Karen Judd Smith: How would it make what would it look like and what would it feel I want you to just step into that moment, as if a miracle that happened overnight and thing you are just the ultimate negotiator one minutes go.
Karen Judd Smith: yep that’s your minute.
Karen Judd Smith: Okay, I won’t necessarily go around the room for this one, but I just wanted you to think for a moment and have you know to not be afraid to think what it might be like.
Karen Judd Smith: Because it’s important for you to be able to connect with the goals and objectives and where you want to be because making that connection with with.
Karen Judd Smith: Where we want to go is is part of what will give you the the drive and the enthusiasm to stick with and get through some of some of what we will be dealing with so allow me that now to just continue to share my screen.
Karen Judd Smith: And i’ll move on into the next next piece of this because I wanted I wanted really want to get into some of the content that we’re going to go to today now just some I know at least one of you is familiar with this others I don’t think.
Karen Judd Smith: But where we are today.
Karen Judd Smith: In the world.
Karen Judd Smith: I think you, you can see, this easily enough right the screen is it’s a big enough on your screen.
Karen Judd Smith: This is just a very, very simple picture of where we are, but it’s just to create part of the backdrop of of.
Karen Judd Smith: of today.
Karen Judd Smith: The pace of change is incredibly fast our evolving technologies and the tools that we have access to our are growing at an exponential rate.
Karen Judd Smith: You know moore’s law you, you know how quickly our technology has changed, all of this is changing very, very fast meanwhile down here our human adaptation our brains are as Ancient as they were when we were Pave people.
Karen Judd Smith: Not everybody was cave man.
Karen Judd Smith: cave people i’m not sure you’ve heard of cake people but anyway.
Karen Judd Smith: So and i’ll social institutions.
Karen Judd Smith: They don’t change so quickly, so, for example, you know, the United Nations was formed in
right how much has it changed.
Karen Judd Smith: In the last
plus years, not the whole lot our institutions and organizations that we work within that’s our environment that’s our social environment and, as we know, our environment.
Karen Judd Smith: Constantly impacts us.
Karen Judd Smith: When we’re in a hierarchical organization that’s very different from when we’re in a collaborative environment.
Karen Judd Smith: We even function differently in those different environments, so our environment matters and what the point of this is just again to draw out that.
Karen Judd Smith: This is where we are we’re living in this uncertain great zone.
Karen Judd Smith: Some of the things we do is we do them, because we can.
Karen Judd Smith: Some of them are you know we do because we’re bold enough to do so, some of them things we don’t do anything, because where we feel.
Karen Judd Smith: Like oh I don’t know what to do, and nobody else is doing it we look left and right and we see if our peers, are doing it, and if they’re not then we don’t.
Karen Judd Smith: And we we we do all probably act in almost all of those ways at different times on different issues in our life, but the point here is that we live in a very uncertain and.
Karen Judd Smith: constantly changing environment that’s just the backdrop to where we are.
Karen Judd Smith: Why is this important looking a little bit yes down here at this part of us, you know our the way we work.
Karen Judd Smith: And that is.
Karen Judd Smith: Our brains haven’t changed.
Karen Judd Smith: So i’m going to go over this little piece here just again full backdrop and background, but it’s really important that we understand this and have this as a as a kind of part of our framework for understanding.
Karen Judd Smith: The human elements these human elements are always in play, the minute you open your eyes actually when your eyes are closed.
Karen Judd Smith: Still, these the brain is still functioning in a certain way, and this way of organizing the thinking about it as a try and kind of concept has a certain purpose and.
Karen Judd Smith: And the brain doesn’t have three sections that are totally segmented off from anything, not at all it’s just this is a way to understand some of the functioning so first of all, we have our ancient or reptilian complex.
Karen Judd Smith: I call it our lizard brain it’s just kind of nice way of understanding, you know what.
Karen Judd Smith: You know I used to describe certain people you know I say when they’re doing certain things I say you know that’s the lizard brain and you know or that’s my lizard brain, because we do have a survival how survival.
Karen Judd Smith: Parts of us that are all but non negotiable and I differentiate that all but non negotiable and part of that I can I put him here just this parentheses, because these two are what.
Karen Judd Smith: condiment and and others described as the fast thinking and then there’s the slow thinking.
Karen Judd Smith: But the important thing is, remember, we have our survival part, then we have you know evolutionarily speaking out brain has evolved.
Karen Judd Smith: And then we have the Paleo mammalian complex, which is really a limbic system which has our emotions it’s our drive to belong, we form through this you know we have withdrawn to family and communities.
Karen Judd Smith: We naturally want to be part of a group, our identity is formed by who we relate with these apartment parcel these hardwired into us.
Karen Judd Smith: So even if we address them and don’t always instantaneously perfectly respond to them they’re always drivers within us within who we are, as human beings, they are in play.
Karen Judd Smith: You know lives that’s why we drive down the street, we see a bunch of people outside a restaurant, we want to go and say hey I gotta go and try that restaurant sometimes.
Karen Judd Smith: We are hard wired to respond to eat, we are social creatures.
Karen Judd Smith: And then there’s the slow brain or our logical complex Neil Neil mammalian complex.
Karen Judd Smith: On layout l three l one l to l three making a nice and simple the slow brain that also interesting to takes an executive role and.
Karen Judd Smith: Can impact and can come in, if we train ourselves can impact and choose to create not such instantaneous responses, or it can be controlled, but with training on those first two fast parts of our brain otherwise we’d be totally hopeless, we would be lost in we would be jellyfish.
Karen Judd Smith: So, but so all of these interact they’re not just one in control over all of the others, we have complex human beings complex.
Karen Judd Smith: But it’s just important for us to understand that these three factors in us are very much a play all the time, so you know, this is the fast and slow thinking, the faster the primal urges the survival, the emotions The pre rational components of who we are.
Karen Judd Smith: And when we’re not looking for these when we’re not taking them into account when we’re not factoring them.
Karen Judd Smith: into our negotiations.
Karen Judd Smith: it’s like we’re sailing along the surface of the ocean being pulled along by a current that we’re not taking into consideration.
Karen Judd Smith: Now, where that’s some of you, I know i’ve heard i’ve heard that one on, it is a very real experience for me, you know if you go to leave leave the Doc if you’re going to be in a boat if you go to sail and you don’t have an engine that can take you at

40 knots.
Karen Judd Smith: And you’ve got an
lock current and you’re hoping to land on some island to the east and metal
not current, which is a really fast car, not all current so that fast.
Karen Judd Smith: But it’s going West, you are not going to make it when we do not pay attention to those deeper currents that are usually bubbling beneath the surface of the human being.
Karen Judd Smith: When we are not factoring these into our negotiations, we wonder why we don’t end up with the outcomes that we’re looking for.
Karen Judd Smith: So one of the things we need to be able to do is to better understand and have a handle on you can’t control it all but have a handle on and understand and, therefore, be able to work with some of these deeper currents of the human being so even.
Karen Judd Smith: Why our emotions so important actually in decision making, while you know some of my favorite people and and I still remember many, many years ago, when I discovered that renee de COM was born on mice has the same birthday as me.
Karen Judd Smith: This is just a total on the side thing he happens to be born in i’m not going to tell you what day i’m in.
Karen Judd Smith: switch the two I just told you what my ages, oh dear anyway
so just play around with those numbers anyway, but so I thought her rough renee de car I you know, I think, therefore, I am, this is something you’re missing anyway, that was just my own so.
Karen Judd Smith: I do appreciate everything that you said, however, I but it’s interesting now that Antonio damasio a new neuroscientist has written a book saying date because era and.
Karen Judd Smith: High reason to see that we think, therefore, we exist, that would, therefore, we make decisions that Therefore, I am, who I am.
Karen Judd Smith: is a compelling fought for us who who love language and and you know human beings, you know really focused on neocortex but it’s not actually supported by the biological mechanics of decision making.
Karen Judd Smith: We tend to justify our decisions, but we make our decisions because of our emotions, in fact, what he discovered is when people’s brains are.
Karen Judd Smith: You know, like if the brain they do or some kind of surgery that separates the two and out our decision making our emotions are disconnected from our logic.
Karen Judd Smith: Even when we formulate all the reasons why a certain decisions should be made without the emotional connection the decisions don’t get made.
Karen Judd Smith: Without emotions decisions don’t get made so part of this, the importance here is understanding the importance of our emotions.
Karen Judd Smith: they’re not bad they’re good they are, we are, they are we that they we have whatever.
Karen Judd Smith: that’s just part of our reality so.
Karen Judd Smith: So we do train our slow thinking we go to school, we learn lots we’ve got computers, we can Google things on on no to find out almost anything.
Karen Judd Smith: When we don’t know we go back to you know, Google Google gods and and find out and then satisfy our neocortex.
Karen Judd Smith: But how much do we train our boss thinking, the stuff that happens, before we even know that before our neocortex is even aware that we’ve.
Karen Judd Smith: moved.
Karen Judd Smith: So are there ways that we can be more in touch that we can strengthen those capacities and that’s what we’re really looking at and so part of what i’m wanting i’m really wanting to do in this first session that we have together is to help you see that what we’re doing in this.
Karen Judd Smith: Training of negotiating and building our capacity as negotiators it’s not just a matter of logical understanding and fixing up the best technical concepts and mapping it out and having it written down and then following it step one step two step three.
Karen Judd Smith: part of what really gives us the capacity as negotiators is by developing l for want of a better word and it’s better and it’s being increasingly understood even.
Karen Judd Smith: In in today’s academia and mit’s men department of.
Karen Judd Smith: management business management and Harvard and Stanford and I just use those as instances, because most people have heard of their names, but as in those institutions as they look at leadership.
Karen Judd Smith: And they look at transformative digital transformation and the huge changes that need to be happening worldwide, and what leadership skills need a needed.
Karen Judd Smith: To help people adapt and cope with the realities of the world, the digital and the human and the change it’s the soft skills it’s.
Karen Judd Smith: The hard soft skills it’s the emotional intelligence is the head activity of the human being, not just and, yes, we have to have, of course, we need to have.
Karen Judd Smith: Clarity and understanding and all of those wonderful things that our logical brains and our analytical thinking provides that the piece, that is so often not understood is.
Karen Judd Smith: Of the soft skills and we don’t build them how many how many people in the tech world that trained in social relationships.
Karen Judd Smith: Why was in.
Karen Judd Smith:
% of all techs self describing themselves as stressed and burned out.
Karen Judd Smith: that’s an enormous number, even if they weren’t absolutely stressed and absolutely burned out that they are feeling that kind of ongoing.
Karen Judd Smith: uncontrollable pressure is primarily because they haven’t learned those soft skills of dealing with it, they don’t know what’s going on under the hood.
Karen Judd Smith: They don’t know what’s going on underneath the surface of their lives there’s all kinds of stuff that’s bubbling up.
Karen Judd Smith: And they didn’t know what to do with it, we often don’t know what to do with it.
Karen Judd Smith: We often are too afraid to look at it and feel like it’s important enough or and not just a problem, and so we squash it and get it out of the way and avoid it and leave it until later or try to at least zip our lips, and not do anything about it.
Karen Judd Smith: But it’s really important and and I, and if you and I would hope that, even if you come away from this whole thing is, with nothing else that you understand the importance of.
Karen Judd Smith: learning to value and address and explore how to be better at working with this, then, then I think that you know I will felt that this is good because, as you can see, you know.
Karen Judd Smith: I just pulled a couple I just really quickly just to point them out the importance of hiring employees skilled in emotional intelligence may be difficult to overestimate.
Karen Judd Smith: overestimate they reckon that leadership is recognizing how important it is to have emotional intelligence, but how many people at teaching.
Karen Judd Smith: emotional intelligence.
Karen Judd Smith: How do you get it.
Karen Judd Smith: Another area that People often talk about is how to be resilient how important it is to be resilient how many people at teaching you how to build your resiliency.
Karen Judd Smith: Not so many they can describe its importance, they can assess them being the need of it, but how do you build it, and these are a couple of the things that I want to be able to give you some tools to begin to work with, for your own life.
Karen Judd Smith: And we will get to these in in the course of my five five weeks with you again.
Karen Judd Smith: Why is emotional intelligence important, I think this was from indeed or something like that, and again this is just in the in the you know, in the in the job world.
Karen Judd Smith: Each day, you must make decisions and, most of them are influenced in some way they acknowledge, most of them are influenced some way by our emotions.
Karen Judd Smith: And that’s about as much as they understand that they’re affected in some way kind of how clear is that.
Karen Judd Smith: Does that give you, you know the capacity to really work on and build and improve your skill, not a whole lot so.
Karen Judd Smith: Part of it is when we get into those difficult emotions difficult conversations when we get into negotiations and negotiations is kind of like dealing with conflict.
Karen Judd Smith: Conflicting perspectives conflicting wants and needs that’s why we need to be able to negotiate and negotiation is kind of how finding our way through that.
Karen Judd Smith: Now, historically, some of them negotiators that probably you don’t like and I don’t like because I think I know the kinds of people you are, you know, though they’re, the ones who come in and and they basically browbeat you into their way or the highway.
Karen Judd Smith: It just doesn’t feel right it’s not transformer it’s not fulfilling it’s not.
Karen Judd Smith: it’s not.
Karen Judd Smith: it’s not recognizing or being you know, treating another person as a human being with integrity or with with respect.
Karen Judd Smith: But understanding that everything that we say causes emotional responses as an important thing for negotiations that everything we say.
Karen Judd Smith: Now, sometimes the emotional responses are not huge and sometimes they are massive but understanding, it is an important important thing for a negotiator, to understand.
Karen Judd Smith: Everything we say causes emotional responses so, then the follow on from that is okay, what kind of emotional responses are we trying to elicit in the course of our conversations.
Karen Judd Smith: Okay, another piece, as we go into it all that are there key skills for developing self control resilience and connection.
Karen Judd Smith: And Luckily, there is one, and I would have to say there’s one major.
Karen Judd Smith: For capacity.
Karen Judd Smith: And there are many other pieces, we need to learn as like their attend skills that we’re going to go into next week.
Karen Judd Smith: But there is a core to all of this around which the others, you know it’s a little bit like a solar system, yes, there is a son and then you’ve got nicely all these little things circulating around, but the core.
Karen Judd Smith: Sorry, I did study so science was one of my passions okay so science and sailing and a few other things, anyway, so there are cool things and we will go into that and.
Karen Judd Smith: So then another question is how do I handle both my and my counterparts fast and slow responses in any high stakes encounter and we will be looking.
Karen Judd Smith: at ways to do this, I will be giving you little scripts that help you follow.
Karen Judd Smith: You know, we will have a basic outline of the flow of a negotiation, we will have things that you little scripts that help you enter into each of those phases, and it really.
Karen Judd Smith: I really get excited about this stuff and I obviously i’d love to give it to you all today, but I can’t and I want so you’re going to have to come back and get some of this but um.
Karen Judd Smith: But it’s a way to really engage both the fast and the slow responses of both yourself and your counterpart.
Karen Judd Smith: And yes, you could look at this and say it is a complex complex scenario that every negotiation is, as we, you know as we engage but.
Karen Judd Smith: There are systems that work better than others, there are there are plans that you can follow little little.
Karen Judd Smith: tactics little things that you can use to say up this is what I need to use here Oh, this is what I can use here that help get you on the right path to making it more effective, so that.
Karen Judd Smith: You find out the information you need from the other side, many times we we don’t know in our in our negotiations.
Karen Judd Smith: We don’t always.
Karen Judd Smith: know.
Karen Judd Smith: What to really do because we don’t have enough information.
Karen Judd Smith: So part of negotiation is being curious and getting that information from the other.
Karen Judd Smith: And it’s not just a matter of getting all of the data.
Karen Judd Smith: But finding out what is most important, and that comes down to some key things about wanting understanding what they perceive as their needs, not what I think they think their needs are.
Karen Judd Smith: Because how many times there’s somebody else thought.
Karen Judd Smith: They knew what you need.
Karen Judd Smith: And that wasn’t quite the way you saw it.
Karen Judd Smith: So part of what we’re doing will be looking at how to find out.
Karen Judd Smith: What they perceive as their needs that’s useful powerful information now, you can use that, for better or for worse.
Karen Judd Smith: But I know that you will use that for the best outcome for all and understanding what their needs are then you can construct something that works for all parties without that understanding.
Karen Judd Smith: You can’t make the optimal outcome.
Karen Judd Smith: Does anybody have any questions for for anything at the moment i’ve still got much more to go to dive into and we’ve got does anybody need a bio break or anything for a few minutes are you good to keep going I don’t know how.
Karen Judd Smith: Any feedback here.
Karen Judd Smith: merlis fine thumbs up anybody else I can see smiles i’ll take smiles as a go for it okay.
Karen Judd Smith: Okay, if anybody needs to get up and go do anything you know I will have a recording but okay so let’s jump jump back in again.
Karen Judd Smith: um so.
Karen Judd Smith: A part of what we will do through here is to still never that has provide.
Karen Judd Smith: Even though we could say that this is complex, one of the things that we do, one of the things that this this part of US does is we systematized and create more understandable ways for us to.
Karen Judd Smith: make our way through the woods and so that’s what we will be doing together in the next few weeks so.
Karen Judd Smith: Again, another way of looking at negotiation.
Karen Judd Smith: That I want you to to ponder is that, in some ways negotiating is a process of managing some at least two there are probably some all but primal urges.
Karen Judd Smith: that these are part of.
Karen Judd Smith: The stuff that that it’s just a part of what’s going on and that’s to survive, need to be safe and secure.
Karen Judd Smith: Or have you never felt, you need to be safe and secure.
Karen Judd Smith: it’s pretty primal it’s not a negotiable it’s just what is in the human being in you and in your counterpart.
Karen Judd Smith: And does anyone like feeling like they’re not in control of the situation.
Karen Judd Smith: No, not so much you just let somebody else controlling your life.
Karen Judd Smith: yeah.
Karen Judd Smith: understanding that these two drivers are very present in you and in them is very important, very, very important.
Karen Judd Smith: Negotiation is about leading the communications to build rapport.
Karen Judd Smith: difficult negotiations does it usually start off where you really, really trust one another.
Karen Judd Smith: Now some of the this methodology part of part of the methodology that i’m presenting has been shown to work even in hostage negotiations now hostage negotiations, you could say are.
Karen Judd Smith: The hostage negotiator and the hostage taker on good terms, do they trust one another.
Karen Judd Smith: Do they have rapport.
Karen Judd Smith: But what is needed.
Karen Judd Smith: To get a an optimal outcome I ain’t nobody dead.
Karen Judd Smith: If at all possible, not even.
Karen Judd Smith: The hostage taker.
Karen Judd Smith: So.
Karen Judd Smith: What we do when we get into a negotiation is is.
Karen Judd Smith: The need to very, very quickly build rapport sometimes it needs to be done very, very quickly, sometimes we’ve worked on it.
Karen Judd Smith: Over time, and our relationships, but still, we need to be able to optimally when you walk into the store and you’re going to buy your next car and you want to get the best price, you can for the car.
Karen Judd Smith: How long do you have to build rapport not always a long time.
Karen Judd Smith: But to leave the communications to build rapport gain trust and get essential information that is needed, and sometimes.
Karen Judd Smith: I don’t even know what information is important to the other person.
Karen Judd Smith: Sometimes I definitely don’t know the information that they have that I need to help me make a decision as about to how how to take this negotiate I don’t know what my boss is thinking.
Karen Judd Smith: I don’t know what they’re really trying to do, I hear what they’re telling me to do, but is is what they’re telling me to do really what they want, as the outcome, they think it is, but is it and is that just gonna waste my time and company money.
Karen Judd Smith: Maybe maybe he thinks this is going to get.
Karen Judd Smith: The solution, he wants in the fastest possible way, but I happen to know because I work with this stuff all the time.
Karen Judd Smith: But that it doesn’t so I need more information of what he’s really trying to accomplish, then I can make a better recommendation as to what to do, based on my experience and expertise.
Karen Judd Smith: So part of in a negotiation that’s part of what we need to be able to do is to extract that information and I don’t mean with a pair of pliers but I mean to to get that information.
Karen Judd Smith: Out of them that they may not even know that they’re withholding.
Karen Judd Smith: So this is not always that the other person the counterpart in your negotiation is particularly evil, they may be.
Karen Judd Smith: But one of the interesting things I do want to remind you is that, even in hostage style negotiations.
Karen Judd Smith: The best outcomes happen when the negotiators treat the hostage takers with up most respect.
Karen Judd Smith: So if a hostage taker deserves or operates, or can be party to the best possible outcomes by being treated with utmost respect.
Karen Judd Smith: How much more reason.
Karen Judd Smith: There is that, even in a difficult negotiation, even in a toxic environment that we’re able to find it within our souls to treat the other person and to by recognizing that the best possible outcomes happen when we treat them with the utmost respect.
Karen Judd Smith: How many times do we think sometimes they don’t deserve to be treated this way.
Karen Judd Smith: But that fork can become a barrier.
Karen Judd Smith: To.
Karen Judd Smith: Developing outcomes that really are the ones that we want that even we want.
Karen Judd Smith: So part of what we need to really step back and do is is.
Karen Judd Smith: cultivate within ourselves curiosity curiosity about the other about what is driving the boat about what are the needs about what they really want about what they are really thinking and feeling.
Karen Judd Smith: That curiosity that one element of curiosity that mindset of curiosity is a really important one.
Karen Judd Smith: Now the other thing about negotiation is that interestingly enough it’s an opportunity to discover.
Karen Judd Smith: To potentially heal and innovate.
Karen Judd Smith: through collaboration through people working together.
Karen Judd Smith: You can’t stop the negotiations there, but when you can get that relationship to that point.
Karen Judd Smith: Interestingly enough.
Karen Judd Smith: A negotiation and good new goshen or even a half but negotiation that parts of it are done well.
Karen Judd Smith: can be a healing can you believe it can be a healing process.
Karen Judd Smith: Now that’s not so bad.
Karen Judd Smith: that’s probably a slightly different perspective to negotiations than maybe you’ve thought of by and large.
Karen Judd Smith: But I hope that by the end of these five weeks, you will really see how that is, and you will have had some even small experience with how that is.
Karen Judd Smith: So negotiation done optimally.
Karen Judd Smith: But medications that’s meant to be negotiations I think my computer did some spell checking I didn’t mean negation so I meant done optimally negotiations can be transformative and not just a big bug squash.
Karen Judd Smith: You know, and a lot of times, I think you know that’s that’s part of the concept of you know.
Karen Judd Smith: The tough, you know Wall Street negotiator, the tough guy you know.
Karen Judd Smith: All he does is he stops all over the wolf of Wall Street, whatever it is that you know the really tough negotiators know that tough what I would maintain is the tough negotiators, the ones who understand what it takes to have that core strength to have the capacity.
Karen Judd Smith: To treat the other with utmost respect with curiosity.
Karen Judd Smith: And when necessary, with patients and attention and all of those things are often hard for us to do when we’re feeling so intense about a situation, however.
Karen Judd Smith: This is the negotiation that i’m talking about here.
Karen Judd Smith: So.
Karen Judd Smith: Just very, very quickly on their own for these really, really quickly characteristics of transformative negotiators and that’s just way of.
Karen Judd Smith: Saying that this is kind of the approach is is is to transformation that through the process of transformation through the negotiation process it’s transformative.
Karen Judd Smith: it’s it’s creative it’s a creative process it’s building something new that wasn’t there before.
Karen Judd Smith: So, seeing it as creative in that way, so part of what we, we need to the characteristics that we need to have is that we need to be adaptive.
Karen Judd Smith: Even we knowing that we have these drivers within also have the drive for us to survive and to control, we still need to build a healthy relationship to control for ourselves.
Karen Judd Smith: And not just control by saying okay well i’m just not going to deal with this now that’s the way we.
Karen Judd Smith: protect our desire for control, but that we actually build the muscle.
Karen Judd Smith: For control the patients that we can create the space in our relationships.
Karen Judd Smith: A characteristics, is that we have a clear sense of purpose in each in each.
Karen Judd Smith: encounter the important ones, I mean we in some we don’t have the time to prepare, but for the big important ones, we do have time to prepare and that’s one of the things that.
Karen Judd Smith: In the process of Britain negotiations preparation is important doesn’t have to be long but preparation is important and having that clarity of purpose is really important for that so we’ll get to that.
Karen Judd Smith: Again, I just want mostly want to immerse you in a whole world of thinking, so to speak, so that when we get to each of these pieces, as we go through these weeks it’ll have a place to settle.
Karen Judd Smith: Another characteristic is that we they engage empathetically and so here the word empathy is going to be.
Karen Judd Smith: That is i’ll let the cat out of the bag empathy is probably the core capacity for an effective transformative negotiator.
Karen Judd Smith: And so, therefore, one of the key characteristics, is this is the one of the ways that we engage and that will guide how we speak what we ask out tone of voice a number of things.
Karen Judd Smith: Another characteristic that we leverage support we leverage perspective and experience of others we don’t just always rely on.
Karen Judd Smith: ourselves, yes, we are a world unto ourselves, we have the Center of our cosmos and you know that’s all very wonderful it just so happens, we also live in a multi virus and so therefore there’s a whole bunch of other cosmos is running around out there.
Karen Judd Smith: And we work better, when we actually engage with those other people so leveraging.
Karen Judd Smith: Support speaking to other net sometimes leveraging the support is with the counterpart sometimes it’s leveraging the support those around us.
Karen Judd Smith: So these are just characteristics that I want to encourage you to see as ways to strengthen your capacity as a negotiator.
Karen Judd Smith: Not to see any of these as weaknesses, but as essential strengths and then the last one is the Elf, that this is an ongoing endeavor to develop your emotional life fitness.
Karen Judd Smith: That and that is just kind of the core around which we we develop our emotional intelligence.
Karen Judd Smith: So this approach is really just building that.
Karen Judd Smith: adaptive resilient empathetic a core it will help reduce overwhelming stress, because you understand the stages and the negotiation you’re going to have.
Karen Judd Smith: To give them tools to handle an address you’re going to be words to enter into each of those stages, so that you’re not left, not knowing what to say or do.
Karen Judd Smith: you’ll still have to think on your feet in the moment of it and be there and be present but, having that confidence to know is such an amazing stress reliever.
Karen Judd Smith: To this will build powerful bottom line what this is doing is also building your leadership skills.
Karen Judd Smith: it’ll prepare you to deal with the reality out there, the reality is, you will have wonderful wonderful bosses, you probably will have, and if you don’t have bosses any more lucky for you you’ll probably have toxics employees that.
Karen Judd Smith: You know they’ll be a toxic environment you’re going in life throws us all kinds of life is not guaranteed to be all.
Karen Judd Smith: You know fluffy kittens and wonderful moments, so we do need to be reality to deal with those things you know we can’t live on Facebook for our lives, we do have to step out into the real world, and so we do need to deal with difficult people with crises happen.
Karen Judd Smith: And we don’t always plan for crisis but they happen so to have little little systems for dealing with that is such a powerful thing for us.
Karen Judd Smith: We will be focusing on building emotional life fitness and resiliency if you haven’t already discovered that one already.
Karen Judd Smith: But part of what this does is a process that really helps it helps unleash innate creativity of ourselves as human beings.
Karen Judd Smith: And yeah you know, in the end it can save you money it can get you upgrades you can do all those other wonderful things as well if that’s how you want to use some of these skills, but the most important thing is that you learning.
Karen Judd Smith: To be better at unleashing your own innate creativity and that of your counterparts, be they your boss your peers your your employees and or reports and and your own family.
Karen Judd Smith: So i’m going to just jump on.
Karen Judd Smith: You know.
Karen Judd Smith: i’m just going to jump down down here so today, the main thing we’ve got about
minutes left about time.
Karen Judd Smith: And I actually covered a lot of stuff but to help you understand what we have covered part of this really is the the human element approach and mindset we’re looking.
Karen Judd Smith: I really wanted you to understand the way we’re approaching this, which is very different, perhaps, than what I don’t know what you thought what you were expecting.
Karen Judd Smith: I didn’t ask you that at the beginning.
Karen Judd Smith: Maybe it’s a little bit different than what you were expecting.
Karen Judd Smith: But then we will work on through the
again the
skills will strengthen your core will master these things as we get on through so.
Karen Judd Smith: The human element approach, which is what we’ve been what we looked at when we looked at the three brains and that whole thing, so we basically covered this human element approach that.
Karen Judd Smith: I actually call it transcendence it’s a word that not everybody knows it’s it’s actually a word but not everybody knows or uses it.
Karen Judd Smith: But it’s a transcendent framework i’ve got more pieces to that and we can look at that another time another day another piece of the training.
Karen Judd Smith: or down the road, but what I just wanted to quickly go through an outline and we just very, very quickly we’ll get into the more in depth components of these.
Karen Judd Smith: And how we do each of these and i’ll give you the tools and ways to think about these different stages, as we go on through the next five days.
Karen Judd Smith: And, but that is the stages of negotiation, so that you understand there’s a method to this.
Karen Judd Smith: And I want, and probably we won’t begin to dive into it so much, but your homework is going to be associated with under.
Karen Judd Smith: understanding this core negotiation skill of empathy and we, the way that I figured that we would approach this and i’m going to utilize.
Karen Judd Smith: Some resources that i’ve dug up, and it goes back to some of my earlier, you know my own earlier training I don’t know how many of you have ever heard of Carl Rogers.
Karen Judd Smith: And I know that Marilyn probably in your training over the years you’ve you definitely one of the things you’ve been trained in.
Karen Judd Smith: is reflective listening in very active listening there’s all kinds of words that are used to do this i’m using the term tactical empathy here.
Karen Judd Smith: Because we’re doing this in a negotiation context so understanding that, in that sense, while it is fundamental to our core capacity as a human being, that is, that is, in fact I healing process it’s also strategic in the negotiation process so it’s a it’s tactical in that sense.
Karen Judd Smith: But it’s not at all.
Karen Judd Smith: Using it just to gain the upper hand on.
Karen Judd Smith: It means it’s essential to doing a good job as a negotiator, so this core skill part of your homework, will be to to listen to something that sets us up for doing an exercise together next week.
Karen Judd Smith: To understanding, a little bit more about so that we can get the feeling for what we really mean about this reflective listening tactical empathy.
Karen Judd Smith: stuff that is that i’m maintaining is so central to this and again i’ve just been going over how this is it’s this Elf mindset that’s just my fun stuff like do you like elves.
Karen Judd Smith: What do you want to have a mindset of an elephant, you want to know okay so maybe that’s that’s the silly part of me but but, on the serious side.
Karen Judd Smith: We do need to have that sense that we are building that fitness and so, therefore, it is an ongoing process, and so, therefore, our work together.
Karen Judd Smith: And one of the things that I would like to invite you to at the end of this is to you know even on a monthly basis come back and practice because.
Karen Judd Smith: Negotiation doesn’t we don’t just get good overnight, and we need the the ways to keep building those core skills and and honing them and working with others who are also looking at.
Karen Judd Smith: Looking at the same things that we’re looking at and being able to be helpful to one another, so these are this is mostly what I wanted to go over with you today.
Karen Judd Smith: So again, just a quick review fast and slow thinking emotions are always involved in decision making.
Karen Judd Smith: Most of us are not aware about wants and needs and they’re often bubbling below the surface and yet.
Karen Judd Smith: I mean I haven’t heard Cynthia you know, and I think it was partly somebody else using those words I didn’t put them into the document here.
Karen Judd Smith: After you said them, but this is, this is what happens to most of us, you know a lot of stuff bubbles.
Karen Judd Smith: beneath the surface and we don’t address it, we don’t know how to draw it out, we don’t know what to do with that, and so it stays stays there and often.
Karen Judd Smith: Sometimes it explodes, unfortunately, rather than being released in a more useful way, and so we remembering that we do have powerful fast drivers, the fast ones that are the pre.
Karen Judd Smith: Rational drivers, the ones that work, even before we think about employing them.
Karen Judd Smith: And key things there and I want you to then connect because I think you’ll see some of these how they play out in the world today is survival and I would you know i’ll probably refer different times, especially as, when I her on the side of speaking about leadership stuff.
Karen Judd Smith: ego and authority are essential part of us, but when they take control in appropriately ego and authority can totally mess up everything.
Karen Judd Smith: And authority is really kind of that entitlement that comes from our survival seven and why is why does out why does that authority politics that that desperate need to you know.
Karen Judd Smith: To have that authority in a life because.
Karen Judd Smith: Without that fundamental survival mechanism, we would not be here, we wouldn’t have made it evolutionarily, we would not have made this it is entitled to have a place in our lives we needed to have a place in our lives.
Karen Judd Smith: But there are times and moments when, especially in the world that we live in today that.
Karen Judd Smith: authority needs to take second seat to some other things that are going on our ego can get in the way others egos can get in the way.
Karen Judd Smith: egos can make problems for negotiation so understanding that these are parts of our work to address these things in ourselves so that we can direct the conversation more healthfully.
Karen Judd Smith: and not be derailed ourselves.
Karen Judd Smith: Is what is really, really required or, on the other foot again.
Karen Judd Smith: If somebody tries to utilize that those drivers within us to their ends we can recognize that and then have some alternative response.
Karen Judd Smith: None of this will happen
% the first time, and just because we’re thinking about it, but these are the skills toward which we can work.
Karen Judd Smith: The framework and what’s what’s in play it’s important to remember that goals and objectives, we need that clarity, so when you enter into a negotiation you do it’s really, really, really helpful to be clear about what you want.
Karen Judd Smith: And I think I heard Patrick and maybe Camilo mentioned your not wanting to be seen as being selfish.
Karen Judd Smith: And maybe even early when you said you know being you wanted, you know to be the peacemaker keep the peace as if.
Karen Judd Smith: Maybe not addressing some element of difference is not so good.
Karen Judd Smith: Sometimes we understanding our needs and wants is that clarity around those needs and wants is what is important, then we don’t just quickly label them good or bad.
Karen Judd Smith: But learning to understand this clarity self understanding is really critical to this whole process, which is why next week we’re going to go into some.
Karen Judd Smith: empathy circles and and do that together, we need to remember that we need to allow time for processing I didn’t really go into this before, but it’s just very simple.
Karen Judd Smith: Because everything our emotions when our emotions happen there’s an automatic each emotion, has a cascade of chemicals in our brain.
Karen Judd Smith: associated with each emotion.
Karen Judd Smith: affecting even virtually lighting up different parts of our brains and affecting our body, we need to allow time for processing for ourselves for others.
Karen Judd Smith: understanding that.
Karen Judd Smith: is helpful.
Karen Judd Smith: Understanding, as we go into negotiation that we’re hardwired an interesting thing that we’re hardwired to reject unfairness now.
Karen Judd Smith: I don’t know whether the universe is fair, but our brains are hard wired to reject on fairness, this will be important down the road and we’ll get into that later on.
Karen Judd Smith: So just understanding that for now we’re hardwired to reject unfairness.
Karen Judd Smith: Next time, some somebody says something that you don’t think is unfair what’s your own emotions watch what you got says watch.
Karen Judd Smith: What watch where the offense fists clenched or whether you joy does or whether your eye twitches I don’t know which part of which one is your tell or whatever, but part of what i’m encouraging you to do is become aware of yourself.
Karen Judd Smith: Because you are the one who engages in the difficult conversation your way not me, I mean I enter mind that you into yours so watch and observe and learn what you do.
Karen Judd Smith: And so, build your own self awareness, this will help you as you become a more efficient and effective and wonderful negotiate transformative negotiator.
Karen Judd Smith: Negotiating i’m just going to throw this out here, and then it’ll become more clear as we move on through is in some ways it’s it’s really the art of emotional framing.
Karen Judd Smith: And because it’s it’ll start out as a craft and then maybe we’ll get to be artists.
Karen Judd Smith: But it really is the art of framing things so that certain emotional responses can happen.
Karen Judd Smith: Because we’re not just about you know shoving somebody else down or or.
Karen Judd Smith: it’s not just some zero sum game, the kind of negotiation that i’m teaching really is transformative it’s it’s it’s an infinite process infinite possibility only limited by your creativity your levels of engagement, your capacity to work with your counterpart.
Karen Judd Smith: it’s open.
Karen Judd Smith: I do just want you to notice here that another thing about the way we think the framework, the human framework that is in play all the time as human beings, the the certainty effect is that we prefer sure things over probability.
Karen Judd Smith: Just take notice of it i’ll come back to it later like yourself a note tear it up throw it away i’ll bring it back later on don’t worry about it, but just noting here, certainly effect that we prefer Shaw things over probability even we’ve probably rather hey
Karen Judd Smith: i’ll give you $9 or i’ll give you the chance of getting you know.
Karen Judd Smith:
% chance of getting $10.
Karen Judd Smith: Did anybody come up with which one they would prefer.
Karen Judd Smith: Anyway, just.
Karen Judd Smith: This that’s the certainty effect, even so, even when probability is the logically better choice.
Karen Judd Smith: We do tend to an so knowingness as a negotiator is good information to have when you’re presenting options to people.
Karen Judd Smith: The different slightly different one of this is that loss aversion people and not again knowing, this is really helpful down the road loss aversion.
Karen Judd Smith: People will take greater risks to avoid losing something, then they will take risks to gain something.
Karen Judd Smith: So when you’re framing this emotional framing stuff so when you’re framing options for people.
Karen Judd Smith: That can be useful information.
Karen Judd Smith: You can help frame it in a way that helps them make the decision that is better for them.
Karen Judd Smith: So, in other words, and another way of saying is that to get real leverage you really do need to persuade or show people.
Karen Judd Smith: That they have something concrete to lose sometimes just offering these fantastic things and not enough sometimes you also need to air and show them in end if you’re not going up to that what you might also be losing.
Karen Judd Smith: is something very real a good relationship they might be losing the chance.
Karen Judd Smith: To speak to their loved one they might be losing the chance, something very concrete that is meaningful to that individual language.
Karen Judd Smith: Important just to that to remember the telling people.
Karen Judd Smith: i’m telling you this, how many times how many times as a mom ever said I told you.
Karen Judd Smith: And they didn’t do it.
Karen Judd Smith: So what really needs to happen in those moments don’t just tell them what to do show them something so that they will have no choice other than to agree with what.
Karen Judd Smith: you’re proposing but i’m here i’m just kind of scanning going very quickly over a bunch of the things because we’re getting down to our last five minutes.
Karen Judd Smith: Here I want to introduce the concept and we again, most of these, we will go into in more depth as we go on over these next few weeks, there are, in fact, three kinds of yes or stages of yes now a lot of people think that negotiation is all about getting somebody to say yes.
Karen Judd Smith: i’m going to propose that it’s more interesting.
Karen Judd Smith: it’s more useful to pursue knows, but part of part of why that is the case is that we need to also understand that that there are three kinds of yes, one is that the.
Karen Judd Smith: But there’s the yes, yes, yes I I hear you yes so basic concept, yes, yes, then there’s the where they starting to feel invested and they say yes that’s right.
Karen Judd Smith: Not yes, I hear you.
Karen Judd Smith: that’s more like the first kind of yeah yeah yeah that’s interesting oh yes yeah I hear you yeah yeah yeah.
Karen Judd Smith: So there’s the yes that’s right then there’s the confirmed, yes, when there’s an attached how and what when this yes i’m going to do, and this is how i’m going to do it, and this is what i’m going to do.
Karen Judd Smith: Even understanding that there are those three different yeses means that if you feel like the yes, that you just heard from somebody is really more like the first one.
Karen Judd Smith: You don’t have a deal yet.
Karen Judd Smith: You haven’t made it all the way to the end of a successful negotiation.
Karen Judd Smith: chances of it stalling and not going through to fruition.
Karen Judd Smith: To be high, even though you heard yes.
Karen Judd Smith: But they said yes ever heard that one before but they said yes, they said they would.
Karen Judd Smith: They didn’t quite say yes, and this is how i’m going to do it, and this is what i’m going to do.
Karen Judd Smith: So understanding that you need to bring people through this whole process and asked, maybe yet another question to get them to that stage is just another one of the pieces that can make you highly effective as a negotiator.
Karen Judd Smith: So.
Karen Judd Smith: Again i’ve mentioned, this is a, this is a long game it’s an infinite game it’s not a zero sum game it’s not a game where I gained and you lose or they win and you notice the type of.
Karen Judd Smith: connection that we’re setting you up here is for a very creative transformative one that can include healing done well.
Karen Judd Smith: Your counterpart will strangely.
Karen Judd Smith: Like you, better trust you more.
Karen Judd Smith: and be willing to connect with you, even if that’s total an auto surprise to them.
Karen Judd Smith: done best it will uncover emotions and meaning.
Karen Judd Smith: It will be inclusive of the fast intuitive stuff and not just the biological slow stuff.
Karen Judd Smith: It will it demands curiosity and forbearance and it will change the way you think about communications.
Karen Judd Smith: So we’re going to be looking at this we’re going to be we’ll be looking at this process, which is going to include preparation meaningful connection exploration getting people to that’s right.
Karen Judd Smith: Not yes per se and then getting people to the follow through and the fun than the follow through is the next stage, many times.
Karen Judd Smith: A lot of times these steps are blurred, of course, but this gives you a sense of there is this process of negotiation and where it’ll go.
Karen Judd Smith: So that’s just another way of looking at it, what I want you to do for your homework we’ve got one minute, this is your homework for the week I want to honor your time.
Karen Judd Smith: I will stay off to this to answer any questions for as long as you like, but I do want to make sure that you know we end right on time, and you can get going and live your life I know you’ve got other things to do.
Karen Judd Smith: during the week, you can either click this on your phone and and watch it on your on your phone or I will put this in your homework.
Karen Judd Smith: And in within
hours, I will send you out an email with.
Karen Judd Smith: The reminder that you can get into your membership area and the different things will be available in that area, and you can download this, but I want you to spend at least nine minutes this week.
Karen Judd Smith: to watch this video to prepare for next week when you’re going to get a feeling for an experience with the process of.
Karen Judd Smith: In the negotiation world is called tactical empathy in the other world it’s a reflective listening i’m not necessarily promoting what this website is doing, I have no problem with it whatsoever, but.
Karen Judd Smith: This whole process of setting up empathy circles is is what we are going to experience together next week as part of our time together.
Karen Judd Smith: So I it’s good if you can just look over this so that you’re ready for we’ll go over it again next week, as we jump in but that’s what we have coming next week so that’s about it, I hope that.
Karen Judd Smith: you’re even half as excited as I am about it and and that’s about it for this week and subtle i’d like to you know feel free if anybody has to go and if anybody wants to stay and ask any questions whatsoever, I am I will stay here, as long as you’ve got as long as there are questions.
Karen Judd Smith: Comments thoughts reflections all those things just unmute yourself.
Merly Barlaan: Oh hi Karen.
Merly Barlaan: Before I.
Merly Barlaan: I just want to say thank you, this is really helpful and you know I see when through slide by slide I already have this scene of negotiations in my mind and then just yeah I the empathy and the clarity of knowing.
Merly Barlaan: What we want, and what others want is very important it’s really crucial and yeah i’m very excited and look forward to the next, I think.
Karen Judd Smith: yeah wonderful.
Karen Judd Smith: Oh yeah now that that’s what I forgot to say next week I apologize for everybody, but next week, it will be on a Friday, instead of a Thursday at this at the same time just next week.
Karen Judd Smith: Sorry, I set this up after I already have something else, scheduled for that somehow but anyway um so Friday next week, but i’ll send reminders.
Merly Barlaan: In here and Nice to meet you everyone.
Merly Barlaan: I think up to us, we.
Karen Judd Smith: You know I think one of the benefits is going to be to get to know, a group of people that are really rude each person is very remarkable so yeah.
Merly Barlaan: yeah bye.
Karen Judd Smith: bye bye merrily bye bye bye great.
Patrick Erlandson: yeah I also found i’m in the process i’m facing.
Patrick Erlandson: an awkward negotiation.
Patrick Erlandson: In my work with see it ended, and this is really this is really good, because it really kind of made me really reflect more deeply on how I have to really prepare and.
Patrick Erlandson: and know what I want as the result and I think that’s where I tend to be weak on preparation for things and then it then you go into and you stumbled through the negotiation, instead of having a clarity of what the objective is, but so so many things you hit on are just so.
Patrick Erlandson: i’m very inspired and looking forward to this.
Karen Judd Smith: Wonderful.
Karen Judd Smith: yeah I hope we can really get your I hope that negotiation doesn’t happen for a couple of weeks.
Patrick Erlandson: I know you were supposed to have a last week.
Karen Judd Smith: We should have started this a few weeks ago.
Karen Judd Smith: Sorry, Patrick.
Patrick Erlandson: yeah we’re we’re you.
Karen Judd Smith: Know fumbling around in life.
Karen Judd Smith: Anyway, hopefully, even these little bits maybe little tidbits can be useful yeah.
Patrick Erlandson: extremely helpful yeah i’m really inspired Thank you so much for doing this yeah I am going to have to jump off.
Karen Judd Smith: please feel free just just go when you need to I understand.
Patrick Erlandson: Oh great to meet everyone and so great to see you Cynthia where you’re going to be in fact i’m going to come down to San Diego.
Karen Judd Smith: One way or another.
Patrick Erlandson: So great i’ve been so busy with my daughter’s wedding so we’ve been off to Hawaii and coming back and.
Patrick Erlandson: Now it’s dealing with.
Patrick Erlandson: Terrible root canals and crowns.
Patrick Erlandson: I want to come down in the next couple weeks, I want to be down in San Diego so i’m really hoping will make time.
Cynthia Luvlee-Austin: that’d be great so good to see you and meet you in person well as me person.
Patrick Erlandson: Thank you guys.
Cynthia Luvlee-Austin: yeah Thank you.
Raquel Schlosser: Thank you.
Raquel Schlosser: yeah great to meet you know I can be in the vdi already or nurse.
Raquel Schlosser: very interesting to hear the structure very structuring to see what we can achieve by and I thinking and I totally forgot.
Raquel Schlosser: I was wondering, a very, very, very tough negotiation very tough in I was in I was coached by a very political negotiator very interesting woman and we made a lease and she said, made a list of all what you want, in karate on the place that you will not negotiate anymore.
Raquel Schlosser: and negotiate everybody, you want to leave for them no you weren’t so you know it’s coming to the memory May.
Raquel Schlosser: have little stations that I did in many good ones and when the ego gets seen when so it’s very interesting very interesting flows and each inspiring inspiring and i’d like to know the people of this group they’re very interesting.
Karen Judd Smith: yeah.
Raquel Schlosser: And I forgot to tell you that I work with the Jensen additional consequences of violence, so being with people that work with human trafficking, we sell these topics it’s very and inspiring.
Raquel Schlosser: So thank you Karen.
Karen Judd Smith: yeah thanks.
Karen Judd Smith: Great great you could join us raquel yeah.
Raquel Schlosser: yeah I love it Thank you.
Karen Judd Smith: yeah because I think the community of people is is is an equally good really good piece of this that’s really delighted with who’s who’s in this group yeah.
Karen Judd Smith: yeah.
Karen Judd Smith: Okay, any other questions coming Oh, I see you unmuted.
Camilo Arias Rivera: Oh yes, I turned it off, so they could participate weekly if they had to say something.
Camilo Arias Rivera: This far no nothing, nothing special just thank you because I forgot thanking you, at the beginning for giving us the opportunity to take part in this in this webinar so thank you very much for that invitation.
Camilo Arias Rivera: that’s something that is very generous and i’m just seeing that i’m seeing the NGOs negotiations in a very different way, because I usually think about as a threat to.
Camilo Arias Rivera: a place where I will lose things there and be obliged to make concessions, but now i’m seeing that maybe the other party also wants to reach a compromise that may be better than the one they thought.
Camilo Arias Rivera: I mean they had something in mind, but maybe there’s something better for them and also better for me so that’s a very interesting point of view.
Karen Judd Smith: And just to have open that door a little bit I hope to open it even more because and to give you reason to believe that that can really work as you hone some of your skills.
Karen Judd Smith: As I provide you with some tools and some practices to do, then, then you can improve that so i’m excited very excited to so fantastic.
Karen Judd Smith: And again, I just want to say thank you to you Camilo and and all the other interpreters who are not here um you know, for all your help with the with the summit last year that was fantastic.
Camilo Arias Rivera: And he was a pressure for us to help you.
Camilo Arias Rivera: bye.
Cynthia Luvlee-Austin: I have a question so i’m i’m a note taker so I oh my gosh
Cynthia Luvlee-Austin: And it’s all highlighted it’s my dyslexia I think that’s how I like to get stuff in my brain and but I really enjoy that high level i’ve been missing that piece in my life of.
Cynthia Luvlee-Austin: Just high level knowledge and in that might bring out like excited about that, and then, once I want to know from you how you want to receive our feedback.
Cynthia Luvlee-Austin: And if you want to receive that weekly if you want to receive that like How would you like me to give you my feedback on today’s session to improve.
Karen Judd Smith: Going, for I would be more than happy if you if you’re a note taker you’ve already gotten out, please, please, please send me on any any notes, I would like.
Karen Judd Smith: The main way I was thinking of doing is toward probably around the week for that I would spend a little bit of time with each of you.
Karen Judd Smith: You know just one on one to get that really direct feedback and then even so again any kind of ongoing but definitely feedback because, by the time we get toward the end.
Karen Judd Smith: i’ll be thinking about my next time around, and things so there’ll be a number of ways that i’d like to get feedback I would love anything that you can give.
Karen Judd Smith: Today, I mean.
Cynthia Luvlee-Austin: Sure, and it’s more technical it’s not a content for technical even.
Cynthia Luvlee-Austin: I know that there was a difference with like the English and the British word Gray, because my brain goes to Dr eli but i’m like oh great like perfectly fine hey Why is like I googled What did you say about the on Google i’m like.
Karen Judd Smith: I don’t know what i’m using these days, who who.
Cynthia Luvlee-Austin: is like not seen that to Karen okay.
Karen Judd Smith: Every every little.
Cynthia Luvlee-Austin: girl is laughing yeah.
Cynthia Luvlee-Austin: My brain was like this color.
Cynthia Luvlee-Austin: right with.
Cynthia Luvlee-Austin: me.
Cynthia Luvlee-Austin: that’s my that’s my American brain.
Cynthia Luvlee-Austin: And, but yeah so I got it all color coded and I will be happy.
Karen Judd Smith: You can even just you know, take a screenshot I mean if a photo of it and just shoot those off to me.
Cynthia Luvlee-Austin: I don’t know if you want that it’s a little.
Karen Judd Smith: Okay, you can just feel.
Cynthia Luvlee-Austin: Like technical weird like that, so all of my feedback is in purple highlight.
Karen Judd Smith: So I will get back to.
Cynthia Luvlee-Austin: You and like written format will be.
very honest.
Karen Judd Smith: yeah just I love it I genuinely genuinely genuinely want any any feedback any and all feedback is good for me thank you.
Cynthia Luvlee-Austin: and good to know about those one to ones as well, I was curious.
Cynthia Luvlee-Austin: I i’ve skimmed the emails but I didn’t get into the details, thank you.
Karen Judd Smith: yeah we had a you know, to some extent also this particular round is being developed so you know there’s a lot of things that i’m not going to be.
Karen Judd Smith: All perfectly in place and even as we, as I go on through as I see what happens in the first lesson and I might adjust what happens in the second you know so there’s a lot of stuff that’s kind of moving underfoot about core content but yeah.
Cynthia Luvlee-Austin: Perfect yeah I love I love being in the beta, thank you for the.
Cynthia Luvlee-Austin: H and beta testing it’s really fun and i’m going to include in my email to you, and what we have everyone sorry i’m taking it more time.
Cynthia Luvlee-Austin: At the golden Institute of Chicago I think I mentioned to you is the grassroots leadership program and and they did global fellows about three years ago with my group, but they do a tablet learning, and so we beta tested that group.
Cynthia Luvlee-Austin: And then they’ve just been in Chicago but they just opened up their global fellowship for applications and I if it’s okay chemist and you the link because it looks like you ever make a purchase a global community.
Cynthia Luvlee-Austin: leaders who might really benefit it’s not now it’s all honed in and it’s so great, the way they do it on the tablet and they teach that grassroots leadership it’s a little bit longer, of course, like
Karen Judd Smith: yeah anyway, I think one of the things that i’m going to do is also to create a group and an area and i’m.
Karen Judd Smith: Thinking not to make it a Facebook group i’m not so mad about Facebook, but where pete where you guys can connect and communicate with one another as well, so that.
Karen Judd Smith: That that this becomes something bigger than just this course, because to me that’s part of what we’re doing is ideally it’s transformative.
Cynthia Luvlee-Austin: yeah and community is a big part of it, I wrote that my.
Cynthia Luvlee-Austin: gauge was my ideal situation is Community connection mutual respect ease and joy lucky, because when when I that’ll be my goal for the field, I wake up.
Cynthia Luvlee-Austin: But I can see how that connection and Community through is really core to what you’re teaching.
Karen Judd Smith: And yeah I mean that’s just important to me and and that having a group people who have.
Karen Judd Smith: No sense a common understanding of the negotiation process to then be able to practice with one another, is also something that can be useful, even just connecting one way or another, so yeah.
Karen Judd Smith: Okay, well, thank you very much Cynthia yeah.
Karen Judd Smith: Any other questions.
Karen Judd Smith: Okay, so I look forward to seeing you same time same place next week, then.
Karen Judd Smith: on a Friday.
on a Friday.
Karen Judd Smith: Anyway, thank you very much, and thank you for for being here hey.
Cynthia Luvlee-Austin: Good morning.

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