Week 5: Negotiation Behavior and Styles

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The Raw Transcript

So welcome to our final class for the negotiators, master class and our beta, beta round. I know it’s been fun for me pulling all of this together, and then seeing how it’s playing out. And of course, I’m seeing things that I want to change for the next time I’ve got getting, I’m still getting and really appreciate the feedback that I’ve already gotten. And I will be looking for more. But very definitely, this is, this has been kind of a fun time for me, and I hope, I believe it’s been at least somewhat beneficial to most of you. And I’ll try to get you some really good information, Patrick, so that you can go off to your meeting and okay. And in actual fact, it might take us a little longer. But anyway, so here we are at week five. And so I’m gonna just gonna start with sharing my screen again for a little bit, and then I’m going to get in pretty quickly to, to, this doesn’t doesn’t have to be optimized for let’s see if I can do this one again.

Let me see if I can find this one. So it says it’s preparing the slides, and then I should be down in that little corner. And I’m, yep, there we go. So I guess this is just one of the interesting little beta beta programs are everywhere. One of zooms, beta programs, at least for the Mac. So here we are our final week. And so we’ve been for quite a bit, we looked at the approach and the mindset, elements of the mindset. We haven’t gone into the the work and ongoing work of adjusting our, our perspectives and mindset about some of this. But I think already, you are beginning to look a little differently at negotiation than perhaps when you first entered the program. And I and I hope that that approach is interesting for you, and also fruitful for you. So the way then we went into the key skills, we’ve gone into some of the work of strengthening our emotional understanding and what that really means to strengthen our emotional life in this. There’s plenty more exercises and ways and little tools and tips that I have still down the road for those who are interested in continuing on. Last week, we looked at mastering no and at some of the difficult conversations. And this week, I’m going to go into quickly go over the negotiating styles, we’re going to go back into looking at our gripe sheet I had I asked everybody to do the homework. And so then we’re going to break out into little groups and you’ll each have a chance to vocalize and speak out loud, your your gripes are how you would see other people how you see other people’s view of you what they would say about you and vocalize that. And it’s a challenging process. And then I’m just going to go into a little bit more about where to from here. And so that’s pretty much going to be today and then we’ll that will take wraps up from this week. So that’s basically what we’re going to be looking at here. So the negotiation styles. Before I get into the styles, I just thought it was interesting to know that Daniel Pink, and he’s a fairly well known author these days. But just an interesting note that he says we spend up to 40% of our day trying to influence our peers, our teams, our families, our stakeholders, 40% of our day. Now, I don’t know whether he included sleeping at night in that. So I’m not really sure whether that’s that’s part of it, but still 40% of our day, and even as we’re doing tasks and focusing on our specific areas of expertise very quickly, or taisce, bless you. Our expertise is only useful to the extent that we can either share that understanding be taken seriously by others. ie very quickly, part of what we need to do, even as experts in our area is to influence others thinking. And so we’re constantly in that work of negotiating ideas, negotiating positions, negotiating understanding of what’s going on. So it’s just good to know that we’re actually spending quite a bit of our lives, making efforts, sometimes effective, sometimes not so good to influence our peers, teams, families, and our stakeholders. And some of those stakeholders are not always right in front of our noses, sometimes they’re a step back or behind.

But yet, they are always critically important for how far we can move forward. This is true in actual fact, not just for corporations and organizations and nonprofits that have clearly have their stakeholders, those who are benefiting from the programs, those who are the employees and teams engaged in the the doing of the work. It’s not just the board members, but many times that you know, it can be the bench, those who donate, it can be those behind the board members who are influencing them, we don’t always know and directly engage the stakeholders in our lives and our work, and yet they are there. And yet, which is why this whole area, you know, huge area that we see of social media, and sales and marketing is such a big deal. Because all of those things are part of the larger scope of influencing the mindsets, the understanding, the wants, the likes, the dislikes, or whatever. But 40% of our day. So as we move into looking at stakeholders, the key point that I want to make here is we have this it’s a fairly well known thing in the Western world that you know, we like to what is it we do unto others as you would have them do unto you? Yeah, I’m just saying we might be getting that wrong. A little bit, not totally, but a little bit, and perhaps an important bit. Because each one of us does tend to have preferences, and different styles. silence to one person can mean Oh, thank God, they’ve stopped talking. silence to another person can mean Oh, my goodness, what are they thinking? They must be getting ready to pounce on me.

When it comes to negotiating and negotiating styles, it’s important to understand about the other person. Yep. about them again. It’s important for us to notice what their style might be, so that we know what kind of impact we might be having on them. unintentionally. That’s when you get into that, you know, the mastery side, when we’re when we’re so new to something, all we’re desperately trying to do is to at least do the basics. But as we move along in the in the process of negotiation, negotiation mastery, another element to consider is their negotiating style, what kind of a person are they? How are they going to read silence or data or concern about relationships. Some people can read concern about relationships as interference. Others are desperate to make sure that the relationships are good, and that’s a prime importance to them. So, here I’m really just trying to draw out under Standing to do unto others as they would have you do to them, not just do unto others as you would have them do to you fight. So I’m just playing around with that little concept there a little bit. So, in most, a number of areas, people look at them as five main negotiating behaviors. And these kind of align pretty much with negotiating with kind of different kinds of ways that people deal with conflict. Because in the end negotiation is a way that we deal we address conflict or difference. When we differ with somebody else now, at its extreme, it’s conflict, in a more helpful way to look at it’s more like tension. Tension isn’t bad, it’s just difference. And it’s that differential gradient that is actually can energize things, us the circumstances, what we’re dealing with, so these five negotiating behaviors, I’m going to distill down to three core types. But it’s, I think, you’ll probably tend, I’ve even heard some of you mentioned, well, when I, you know, I don’t like conflict, or, you know, I tend to avoid conflict, or I like to, you know, be more accommodating, or I focus on the relationships. So to understand that there are these roughly, you know, whenever we make these distinctions, it’s not, you know, there’s there’s gray areas and in between all of these, but it’s just the way to help us understand. So the collaborative approach, I’m going to put at the top end, and I put, clearly, I put it at the top, and I put it at the top. Because in the end, I think that is going to be the most productive going forward kind of behavior. At the at the other end, I don’t know when they say at the other end is avoiding or competing. But and, and there may be on different axes. And I’m not going to worry about that at the moment, I mostly just want you to notice that there are differences we could have, I could have put it on the next y axis, but I didn’t today.

So you’ve you’ve basically got, you know, people at the at the other end, it’s either that they want to compete and win at all costs. Or that they totally withdraw. They so dislike having anything to do that, they don’t care enough about the relationships, they’ll do anything to avoid the conflict. And so that’s a, that’s a total withdrawal, these are the ways people respond to conflict. Then in between, you’ve got those who are cut, who are accommodating, and they tend to dislike the conflict, but will err on the side of relationships, or they’ll be willing to sacrifice some of the substance because they want to save the relationship. So there’ll be more accommodating, and others are more compromising where they’ll they’ll go after the what is fair, what is a little bit more substantially reasonable. And, or, and, and let go of the relationship side a little bit more. So you’ve kind of got this spread of the ways people deal with things. And frankly, when you get to the when you get to negotiating, either you’re in a family, you’re in a team, or you’ve actually got a team of people going in to work with another group of people and you’re trying to negotiate some kind of an outcome either agreement to cooperate, or you know, even a contract or something like that. Many times, it’s very valuable to have as many different kinds of people on your team. It’s good to have diversity on a team, because they see a notice and experience different things. And we’re not going to go into you know, the roles of teams and team negotiating here. But I’m just kind of pointing, pointing out that some of these things have a place in understanding how to be more effective when you go into team negotiations. And And then the other piece on the team side is, and I think you’ve heard me say, and I will, I will note it again is that no matter who we are, no matter who we are, we actually do have teams. We work in groups, we’re social animals, what that what was that brain number two, the you know, the limbic system, the really the social emotional part of us, we always we naturally function and want to be connected to others. Some people are very gregarious, and one of the around a lot of other people and get their energy from other people. Others operate very well in the public sphere, but actually get their energy from being alone. But nobody really wants to be totally on an island without anybody else ever. So we’ve all got out propensities, our preferences, but still each one of us were in a family. If we work, we’re probably got some kind of a team. Even if you’re a solopreneur, I can guarantee you, you try out your things with other people, informal team members, you could call them. And it could be your parents or your kids or your spouse or somebody on the street. But we tend to operate in those social structures. So teams, and so thinking about teams, not just as the formal entities, but as those informal structures around us, is really helpful for us to be more effective and influential in you know, negotiation as a whole. So, consolidating these down to three main styles, so that it’s even simpler than understanding kind of the the behaviors that we have. And a master negotiator incorporates all three will have our preferences. And as we pursue our if, if we decide to strengthen our negotiation skills, what we’ll do is notice where we are weaker, and we will strengthen those areas. So there’s the analyst. There’s the accommodator, and there’s the assertive, and these three styles. The last one,

this this, this kind of looking at looking at the the negotiation, negotiating behaviors was from Thomas Coleman’s conflict, where his way of looking at how we engage conflict, and a lot of people utilize that in, in understanding, negotiating Scott styles, these three main styles are used by the Black Swan group that I also pay a lot of attention to, in terms of negotiation, and so they distill it down. And I think it’s really useful to distill it down to very, very, very simple three clients, and those who are analysts who are realistic, they’re prepared, they’re smart, they don’t like conflict. They don’t particularly care for conflict. But when they see there is no conflict. It’s all good. Meaning, it doesn’t mean that they’re not bad enamored of building relationships, it just means that if there’s no conflict, then everything must be fine. So it’s just interesting to understand what a person who is essentially an analytical type, how they will read what’s going on in the room. They accommodated, tends to be friendly, tends to be talkative, and will tend to focus on relationships and not as much on the substance on the on the issues at stake. They won’t necessarily have prepared that won’t necessarily be ready. And there they’ll be willing more to say, Hey, you know, I’m good at building relationships in a group relationship is pretty much all that I need to make this work. Hmm, maybe work to a point, work exceptionally well, perhaps not. When things go sideways, Is that sufficient? It could be a major major plus, but it might not be enough. And then then then As the assertive tends to be honest, logical direct, there is mutual respect there. But they’re very unafraid to be clear to put their thoughts out there won’t necessarily pull back just because the other person might be a bit sensitive. And be assertive one might read somebody’s being a little bit more sensitive, not necessarily that they could read that as perhaps they’re trying to hide something might not be. But you are understanding that we read one another differently whenever we go into a room. Now, some people are really, really good at what they call the cold read. Most of us tend to read others as, as if they were ourselves. Assuming that everybody else is just like us. And that would be wrong. So natural thing. I don’t know how many times I’ve said, but I’m sure I’m no different. I’m normal. Everybody, I’m just like everybody. And soon enough, you discover, oh, maybe, maybe I’m not so normal. Or maybe I’m normal. But I’m not exactly the same as everybody else. Whatever normal is. But the main point here is to learn. And we don’t have the time to go into the depths of this today. But understanding at least beginning to understand when you walk into a room, when you look at the other person, when you listen to what they’re saying, when you when you paraphrase their comments, when you seek to understand what is below the surface of their superficial comments, try to also understand whether they’re an analytical type, they’re the analyst, whether they’re accommodating, or whether they’re assertive. And start to notice how to deal with them differently. Notice what they respond to what they don’t respond to just beginning to understand, they are going to be different. And it’s good for you to speak to them.

mirror to them in you know their style. For them to trust you as much as possible, it will be good to reflect back to them their style. They know that they trust it. They know how it works, they know how to read that style. So largely today, I just wanted to really help you understand that this is one of the other dynamics that is at play. When you go into negotiations when you’re working with other people, or just when you’re in everyday relationships, goodness me, all of these skills. These core skills are really, you know, at the heart of it, their life skills, the skills that you have at you know, in your capacity to work with another human being, you take them into every relationship. You don’t leave check them at the door just because it’s your family or just because it’s your business or just because anything else, your core skills, you walk in the door to every relationship with those skills and capacities. That kind of awareness or lack of awareness, and cultivating these are just really helpful in all of your relationships. So they’re the three main main styles to look for in negotiation. And in this context of negotiation, it’s because negotiation has a purpose. It is driven toward an outcome and it’s driven toward a creative outcome. And so in that context, these are the three main styles that we that are helpful to pay attention to So, as I’ve kind of already drawn out little bits and pieces, that the interesting part about these is how do they affect, you know, how does a style, you know, a particular negotiation style? affect? How the person views themselves? How does it affect how they might be seen by a different style, person or personality? It affects their view of their business. And therefore, when you enter into negotiation with them, what is most important aspect of their business? What do they see business as a game as a, as a game to be won? Or is it is a, you know, a set of, you know, relationships to be built? How do they view the business? And therefore, their relationships in their business? What is at the heart of what they care about? Is it? Is it the data and the outcome? Is it the fairness is winning? Or is it relationships? What do they care about most? So what is their mindset? You know, how, what, what’s important to them? What does taking time? does that equal money? Does it equal? Something that is valuable to them? You know, the most important thing tight it does it equal time away from their kids? what’s what’s more, you know, how do they measure time? You know, what does silence mean to them? So, what are the carrot? You know, what are the characteristics of each of these different types, we need to dig more into that into those characteristics of each type? How do they view trading? You know, and the whole concept of getting on giving reciprocity, which is naturally a part of the negotiation process? How do they see it a little bit differently? So what kind of tools are better to use in your in our toolbox of 10 tools? What are some of the ones the ones you’re going to use them all sooner or later with most people, but which ones work better with which personality types and some can work better? So and then there are which types work together? better or worse? And just very quickly, on that one, I think pretty much

accommodator and accommodate it really don’t work well together. That’s probably the maybe it’s the worst combination. So even there what you know if you know that one of the things you need really need to make sure is that when you go into a negotiation if there’s two of you going into to have a discussion, if two of you are an accommodator is up, oh, probably not the smartest strategy strategic partnership to have going into her into something that’s where you know, having an assertive and an accommodator or even an analyst and accommodator analysts analyst and assertive there, they can be okay. But um, I think I think the weakest negotiating pair is going to be like a couple of accommodators. So, you know, these are just things to think about and to understand as you’re as you’re planning how to, how to go about getting something that you want or need, or that you feel is imperative for your organization that you think is critical for the future of those you care about, whether they be friends, family, or those that you are serving through your your work your business, your organization. So, that just gives you a little bit of a glimpse into the value of understanding and deepening your understanding of even negotiating styles. And then over time, to ensuring that you flesh out or broaden or in improve those aspects. If you notice, you don’t use enough data and, and substance in your negotiation process that can be good to add that into what you do. If you’re an analytical type, and you initially don’t really care too much about relationships cuz those things are messy. You might want to pay a little Bit more attention to the importance of relationships to building trust and sound long term relationships for business, or just simply for the health of your organization, or your, your own life. So, so that, that’s, that’s the bat for for now. Now this is where I want to circle back around and come to the homework. Now I know that you all I’m certain that you all got your off your hips, your grip sheet, so this zoom has an interesting block stuff out. Okay, there it is, you guys. I know you all have that and filled it all out, right. And so Oh, look at that, I put it up there so you can see it. Just Just a note, just a reminder, because I think I went over some of these when you when you write out your gripes from the others point of view their gripes about you in a particular negotiating instance. And and this is going to be important in the next few minutes, because I’m going to break us out into some some groups and give you a chance to voice your gripes say them out loud. And feel nice and uncomfortable saying that same out loud, so that you can get more comfortable with feeling uncomfortable. So the key thing, it’s important to remember don’t if the other person now in this instance, those who will be with you in the room.

I probably should have said before I jump into the homework, were there any questions about the the styles? I mean, there’s probably lots of questions. more in depth, but just briefly in terms of the the negotiating styles, any any questions there or thoughts before we get jump into the homework

library with important because if you don’t know the other person style, you could take the whole negotiation the wrong way. Hmm.

So yeah. And so part of it is just to at least pay attention and endeavor to understand the other that the other person maybe has a different style, even if you don’t perfectly know what to do with that information. Just understanding that they may be seeing differently, can give can inspire that curiosity again to try out different things and see what they might respond to. Thank you, Beverly. Any other thoughts? Hi, faimah. Welcome. Good to see you. If, if no other questions then I’ll move quickly on to we’ve got seven people. So seven people break down into the into groups. Okay. So coming back to then our, our exercise.

And I think it can just the beam thing as you’re voicing, as you’re practicing voicing the gripes This is having this gripe sheet and then voicing the concerns ahead of the other. If it diminishes, it takes the sting out. It reduces the energy that the other person has about their animosity or their negativity toward you. It’s like putting a pin in a balloon and it just totally lets the air out. So again, listing all those breaks as we did and then we When you get to speaking them out loud, it’s important that you, you don’t say, for example, I don’t want you to think that I’m a jerk. That that’s still all about you. If you’re conveying to them, that you really understand them, what they’re concerned about what they’re feeling, what what is going to give them that, that edge as to why they might not trust you. The gripes that they have, or all of the reasons why they don’t, they don’t feel like they should trust you work with you, or, you know, sort things out with you. So it’s so critical to get these things that they you know, are in their mind, or that could be in their mind, to get them dealt with. And from that perspective, if you say something like, I don’t want you to think that I’m mature, that’s still not about them. That’s denying what they’re probably feeling. They’re probably feeling you’re a jerk, or you’re just acted like a jerk. Or

you’re just, you’re just a junk

be all so be unafraid of negative reaction is a critical way to build rapport with the other person. To get to the stage of negotiation, where you can construct a solution between the two of you, that is what you both want. And for you to get across what you feel is most important, they’re going to have to trust you. To get to that point where they trust you, you have to deal with those negative emotions that they have about you, or about people like you, or about their last experience that they just had, that they’re bringing into this experience with them that may have nothing to do with you. But that’s what’s in uppermost in their, in their mind and heart at the moment.

Right, wrong is not the issue. Valid invalid is not the issue. If they have a negative emotion of any kind, your job is to disempowering to take the wind out, to let the air out to defuse it.

And this is one of the most powerful ways to defuse those negative emotions. That will be the block

to an effective negotiation.

great ideas are never blocked to an effective negotiation. Money is rarely a block to an effective negotiation. Opportunities are rarely what blocks in negotiation. It’s going to be the negative emotions that come into the room with the person with whom you’re negotiating with. And it’s your job, right or wrong is irrelevant. Would be nice if nobody would come in with negative emotions, but Fat chance that that’s going to happen. You know, where human beings we live, you know, we’ve just either jostled on the subway, we’ve been kicked off a bus, the car broke down the whatever happened, you know, the masks are driving us nuts with COVID, whatever it is, we walk into the room, we’ve got emotions. So this kind of this process is a powerful way to defuse those negative emotions. And don’t take them away by saying, Well, you know, I don’t want you to think that I’m a jerk. Because you know that that’s what they’re feeling. So say it out loud. be unafraid of those of those emotions. Just say it. It’s awkward. It’s hard when you’re writing in Email, say you probably think I’m crazy for that I that I can’t make up my mind about something if I if you’re writing to say, Okay, I changed my mind about something, I’m not going to be there and I said I was gonna be there.

You can use this in emails, you can use it in your conversations, you can use it in, you know letters, you can use it however you communicate with people, when you’re bringing some kind of bad news or when you know, that you’re about to enter into a negotiation, there’s a lot of negative stuff going on. So say it out loud, you’re probably gonna think I’m a jerk, you probably gonna think I can’t make up my mind, you could probably gonna think I’m a ditzy, probably anything, you know, whatever it is that they might, you’re probably gonna think I’m, I’m, you know, I’m, I’m an untitled white old woman, what, whatever, they might think about me. I’m arrogant, because I’ve got a degree or whatever else, you know, you know, you don’t really know what it’s like. All of those things are the things that will be running around in their mind, and you defuse them by saying them out loud. So this approach, this element of this is not so much about creating common ground. I’m not saying Common Ground is a bad thing. But it’s acknowledging that, that a negotiation is an emotional process. It’s an emotional journey. Not all of it, and not all the time. And it’s not only, but when we don’t address the emotional component, and we sweep it away, as an annoying, irrelevant, get in the way kind of issue, then we’re totally, totally missing the boat, and the best opportunity to end up with a great outcome. Because when we become those who can address fearlessly, in a way, can address and face negative reaction of others and not see it as a personal attack. Moody often feels like that. And that’s why we need to build a little experience and practice in that in that area, we have to get used to it. That’s where the the emotional fitness, the emotional Life Fitness comes in, we need to practice it’s not enough to know that it’s a good thing. But to be able to operate that way and do that effectively is what becomes important to be able when somebody spews that anger and vitriol, that’s extreme, but sometimes it happens. It’s been known to happen in life that we can handle it. So as you go into it, own those feelings. And a lot of this, again, is about being resilient about being curious and about building rapport. So what we’re going to do now is we’re going to break out rooms and this is this is this is this will be how we do it. So each one will be the negotiator for a moment for you know their turn. And we’re not going to do a whole negotiation, this is just this piece of dealing with with gripes without with with venting with getting and diffusing negative emotions. So I want each person in turn to number one, basically about three minutes. So one of you and you can trade around a one person can do it all the way it doesn’t doesn’t matter. three minute timer just to give you a sense. Number one, just identify the situation that you’re thinking about. Just so people have context for what you’re what you’re talking about, because every discussion takes place in a context. So identify for those who are listening. One about a minute, you know, for your context, then go into your gripes that you didn’t you wrote for your homework and read them aloud on them. Just practice reading is an opportunity to practice then each listener if there are two. If there are two, I think what I’m going to do is with the time that we’ve got, I’m going to break us into cuz when I make the breakout rooms I don’t go into a room That’s just the way the system works. So I’ll put, I think I’ll do a three and a two and a two.

Okay, maybe I’ll do a three and a four, a three and four. And so then and then. So then each listener then has a chance to number one, just take about a minute to respond. So to label what you’re hearing, and this is, so you can just practice doing some of your labels. And then to paraphrase what you what you heard and understand. So this is just a way to practice a couple of your skills. Okay. So for the negotiator, it’s giving you the experience with the grapes and saying them out loud in front of other people. And for those who are listening, it gives you the chance to respond back, and to label and to paraphrase. So I just want this to be very, very quick. And that will still end up What about five or six minutes for each person. And so by the time you go three or four people, you know, then already we’re getting to, yeah, 20 minutes, something like that roughly, maybe probably a little bit longer by the time you get into the rooms, etc. Any questions about that? Okay. So, if I hope, if you Has everybody written something down at least one or two or three gripes, some kinds of grapes ready to go. Okay, I’m sad morale is not here to write up her grapes about your grace, but but I’m sure you’ll survive. I’m not sure she was going to do that. But okay, so I’m going to put you into breakout rooms of three and four. And then I’ll see you in about roughly 20 minutes, okay.

And this is just going to be automatically done. So I don’t know who’s going to go where you should see us sign that to accept and then just go into the rooms, Fiamma. Great.

So I’m sorry to pull you guys out of your space. So I ended up jumping in with a little threesome, and we spent some time together. So I’d love to hear from the number from room one.

I found that because I didn’t write down, you know, go write label paraphrase, and getting some of the, the label and paraphrasing right in my head. Um, until I had that written down. I had a little bit of difficulty shifting with doing this.

Yeah, but the most important part was was to practice the discomfort of articulating the gripes. Was it uncomfortable? Yeah, good. I mean, not not really good, but it’s natural that it’s uncomfortable. But I think as you can possibly see that, that as you begin to recognize that this is how we diffuse the negative feelings that are there in the other person, whether they say it or not. And that by you saying them and identifying them. And even that, I think if Emma had found the challenge of the Even identifying and labeling those those gripes so it builds capacity at all levels, but then saying them out loud and giving you that chance to defuse them so that those negative thoughts that are in their head, don’t get in the way of where you want to take the conversation to Otherwise, they those negative thoughts and feelings are baggage that you carry into your supposedly creative, wonderful negotiation. But if you really, really want to get into a collaborative moment with somebody to come out with the best possible outcomes, it’s really, really good to defuse those. Take the sting out, remove, put a pin in the balloon. Can anybody think of any other analogies? No, getting rid of those and negative thoughts that are that are there? I mean, how many? How many of the women in the room have never thought that? Ah, that person? He’s a man he doesn’t understand? Never? Has any of them? Have any of the men in the room ever thought? Ah, they’re just Oh, yeah. So, you know, saying them out loud. me saying it out loud. Or you just think I’m some entitled Old Woman Who thinks she knows everything. You know, whatever.

Yeah, makes it harder for you to turn around and say those things. I’ve already said them. Yeah. So this is just a really, really powerful tool. And it does take a little practice to get used to and depress, you know, and to get comfortable with. But then when you keep your eye on the real ball, which is defusing those emotions, so you know, getting getting comfortable with first start really understanding what they might be thinking about you and getting as many of them as possible. I think Marilyn, don’t go away just because you wish them away. That’s that’s the nature of emotions. Sorry. Go ahead.

Yeah, any other thoughts from room one? Marilyn, you’ve got to unmute yourself. Everybody gets muted when you come back into the main room.

Think when we that the harder practice was then labeling and and paraphrasing for us as a very quickly we wanted to move into solving the problem presented by the guides. But but just sticking to the grapes and then labeling those you know, that’s that’s what they think and putting a label it did feel like a judgment. I think they were hesitant to make those judgments. But But let’s say you know, they think I’m an idiot or insensitive or whatever. And and the technique that I said to me what it seems to do though, is once you label those gripes and you present them to the person that you fear is most thinking of that you actually relax their mind because they’re like, God she was reading my mind is exactly what I think of her. She is a difficult person. So I mean, which is what you want. Yeah, yeah. So that relaxes their mind a little bit now they’re not building the wall against you kind of puts a crack in that wall a little bit and you know, pushes the door ajar a bit more, you can kind of enter into their reality and they relax a bit more likely then to instead of keeping that resistance more likely to be receptive to what well okay, well, why are you here today, then you difficult person, you know, you are opening difficult person, you know, that, you know, so they have, then they have more confidence and your sense of reality about yourself. And they might be might not but they might be more willing then to engage and understand from your point of view, why you want more pay, why you want to do reports get a longer time before you have to hand in reports, etc, etc, etc.

And that’s the whole point of This that this is to defuse the negative so that you can then begin to present what you see as part of the solution or to work with them on figuring out what is the best solution to that particular situation, which is that, you know, the rest of that negotiation process, but until you got some of these things taken care of until you’ve lowered that barrier to entry to the actual collaboration, that, you know, you don’t get there, you still just, you know, trying to push against this brick wall, this emotional barrier. So that’s, that’s, that’s the purpose of that.

Yeah, I wrote down that. Doing this process with the with the right is that you’re taking the wind out of their sails. Yeah, they’re gonna come with all this. And because you’ve named it it’s taking the wind out the sail. Yep. Yep. Thank you, Beverly. Well, I do that with my I’ve been basically off work for a year with cancer and chemo and all the other crap and stuff. And I’m just getting back into it now. And the only negotiating I’ve been doing with my sons, and when I bring up and want something done, I don’t know what everyone’s heard of before I just say, nagging mother, he just laughs I know, instantly. I want them to ship something or do something for me. And I’ll make sure I don’t know I only asked about every three or four or five months. So they’re not getting it every week. So I don’t know what they’re complaining about. But I’ve taken the wind out of their sails. I’ll find that.

There you go. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. So any other comments from that experience? Fun. Needs practice, please. Okay. Yeah, maybe needs a little practice. Yeah. Anyway, fantastic. Anyway, thank you, thank you for putting yourself in the position to doing those things. But But this is also where we, you know, you start to, you know, you realize, Oh, those muscles, they’re there, they’re a little bit, Ouch, that hurts. You know, that’s the end of your end of your workout. But each time you come back and revisit some of these things, they make more sense, they’re easier to do. And you begin to, you know, utilize them and in new ways, even in your own life, you’ll you’ll start to put them to use in more and more ways. But absolutely, you can, you can use this, oops, you can use this process, I just put my computer to sleep went blank that Luckily, you didn’t disappear. Luckily, you know, you can you can use this process, as I said, in in emails. If you Yeah, if you, this is just really, really good. Also, when you’re bringing bad news to somebody is you start with some kind of a, you know, you’re just not gonna, or even if it’s not something a gripe about yourself, you start with, you know, you’re just not going to like what I’m going to say, just bring, bring it down, get them ready, because we do natively and as as Marilyn will know, is in all of her grief and loss and grief and recovery work. We have a lot of capacity, in a capacity to brace ourselves and handle things. But sometimes we need to give people the chance to brace themselves so that they can handle things. So this is part of how we help them into that is into that process. So so that Was that fun and games. Yeah. I’m going to continue on for a little bit. What I wanted to do now is just to go a little bit over. I’ve, in the last 20 minutes, a little bit over what could be coming next. I know I’ve spoken to a number of you who have indicated you might be interested in doing more. I’m still working out a lot of the nitty gritty, Nitty gritties you all my my beta group, and so therefore, you know, I’ve done other programs, but I haven’t done this one and so I’ve got to structure it and restructure it. So I’d like to go over a little bit of what I’m thinking about for coming down the road with this. So I’m going to again, show Am I and it’s going to go back to the beginning.

For whatever reason I have to maybe I am, in the end have to break up my. Okay? Where to from here.

So part of what I just wanted to say, again, why you know why we do why I do and with my little team that I have, I am I am passionate about helping other people who are passionate, who have a sense of mission, who, who really do want to turn their dreams and their aspirations into changing people’s lives, I think most of the people in this room are driven by that kind of passion. And so, in that sense, you know, that’s why you’re here even. And the particular approach that that I have developed over the years that have drawn from my own experience, from years of study from other people’s content, and distill them down and turned it into something really useful and tangible. And, and that makes a big difference. That’s part of my, what I see as my personal sense of purpose is to turn complex things into simple, elegant, useful tools. And so part of what you know, I wanted, I wanted to do and I do invite is for you to become beta members of my accelerate mastermind. Now I’ve called it that all the details, I’m not absolutely certain up. But the purpose of the mastermind is to get the support that you need every step of the way to making the impact that you that you really want to have. And we you know, we all do. benefit from having a team around us. So part of it is understanding what it takes to be a master negotiator and to really influence others and help bring other people along. It’s also to let you know, to how to lead your life and your team’s direct and indirect teams, formal or informal teams, and your organization will confidently and not just hoping that things will work out. And a lot of people are masters of just getting stuff done anyway. But putting systems and processes in place that have been proven to work, proven in many times in the in the classroom, in other people’s experience, in my experience, and others. That’s part of what I like to do. Part of what I wanted to convey a little bit is the big picture of the teacher approach, what I’m calling the teacher approach, because behind it, there is this framework, and I and you’ve seen glimpses of it. But it’s useful in so many ways, and it informs a lot of a lot of what we do.

So you know, part of it is in answering, you know, why did I write the book United Nations unlocked? What you know, why, what is your negotiation mastery to do with the UN, in some cases, not a whole lot, accepting that so many of the lessons that I’ve learned, I have really distilled down and wanted to make that useful. And so I have this system. It is, as I’ve mentioned, it’s the human element. It’s a transformative approach. It’s not just focusing on the problems and articulating the problems and measuring the problems and understanding the depths of the problems. But it really is helping you know, it’s a system for moving forward and for creating collaborative, constructive solutions. It is a process this whole system that strengthens your core and the core that often does not get strengthened and that’s the emotional life and we do that through classrooms and labs through and these help with personal and professional core skills and tools and so then then this helps us without influence, not impact. Now the influences the core, the personal, the personal capacity to influence others as we’re looking at him, negotiation mastery. And then when we get into working without teams and organizations then there are other elements that are become important systems and programs for that. systems and processes. And then Another aspect of this that often people don’t think about, if they’re small organizations, and yet this sort of critical to growth into scaling, and that is the building very effective teams. And I call them legendary teams, because teams are our, you know, individuals on steroids, you know, teams, we can do things that one single person cannot even, you know, they’re just, they are, you know, the Avengers. They’re the heroes, they’re the groups that change the world, small is not a problem. Small is oftentimes, small teams, small groups are often the most powerful. And that can be 234 people, but teams nevertheless. So that’s, that’s kind of building the, this t q, what I call transcendence quotient, mastery. So the benefits of this is that, you know, working with mentors, getting support, shifting from wishing and hoping to having systems and processes that work, and that helps you scale. And, you know, I kind of said some of these things, and this stuff, and I know, it’s not for everybody. And that’s, that’s just the reality of it. But I did want to just quickly go over some of the elements that are going to be in the two different levels that are starting to take shape, and there and it’s not all mapped out yet, but it’s getting there, there are going to be, it’s going to be addressing some of the biggest challenges. And that’s mindset. And that’s having a big clear picture and kind of universal vision to how to lead and influence lives, etc, etc. It’s going to have systems and processes, because developing the right systems and skills at the at the personal level. I that was one I done this, I think I think grace might have seen this. But even simple systems can double your effectiveness,

even for simple things in your life. And that’s the difference between being a student of something and being a master of something, oftentimes it’s putting in place. That’s the whole point of businesses, businesses are systems that help create, that help create the leverage of individual insight and expertise that can multiply it in so many different ways at and scale it in ways that one or two people just cannot do. That’s why we build systems, organizations, businesses, governments, whatever it’s it’s for the process of multiplying and leveraging impact in the world. So systems are important. And then the other thing that oftentimes one of the biggest challenges for people is practice. You know, we can know about things but having the accountability and practicing so that we get to strengthen our capacities. And so, this ancient, it shows that this issue has been around for a long time, the ancient Greek poet and soldier Aki Aki locusts said, We don’t rise to the level of our expectations. Rather, we fall to the level about training. So honing our essential skills and putting tools into practice. Becoming adept with our systems and tactics and strategies is really crucial. Because in the moment when things get hot in those in those critical moments where it really is important. It’s where we need to rely on what we’ve practiced before even a little bit of practice can escalate our capacity. And a lot of practice makes it can make a massive difference. And so they’re just they’re some of the biggest challenges that we face as individuals in our lives. And so that’s the concept of the accelerate mastermind. I’ve been planning to have a mastermind for quite some time, but I haven’t been able to say I got my little logo here. But it’s, I’m I’m putting that still putting the contact in context in I’m still speaking to each of you to find out what you want helps people like yourself really learn and benefit from training. And so this helps me make the the offer now with you guys, you’re my beta group, and whatever i as i get into October, I’ve indicated I’m starting this course again. And so then I will be offering the accelerate mastermind, it’ll be probably, my current schedule is that I’ll have the main intake group coming in, right at the end of November. So the main accelerate is going to start November, December. But these are some of the things that it will help to do. And for you guys, if any of you do want to come in, I’ll have a special, I’ll have a special for you. And we’ll do some stuff interim. But a lot of it is, is so that you can have the clarity and confidence and compassion in your in all of your relationships, empathy and compassion that you need to be able to really have those impactful relationships, to grow your core life skills, the ones that you take into everything you do personal and professional. So that you do become a master negotiator. And you build those skills so that they naturally get taken into your leadership, that builds your leadership capacity powerfully. So that whatever area of expertise you have, whatever levels of responsibility you have, you have that capacity and take that into into those with you. And and, and it’s all to help build your capacity to also empower the people that you work with your teams, so they then better themselves and better accomplish their goals. To the extent that you are better able to influence them, you are also empowering them in their life, you’re multiplying and leveraging your expertise, your knowledge, you’re expanding your influence in the world, and making the impact that you want. So part of the way at the moment when I’m thinking is that in the course of the year long program, I would have each in each four month segment, there would be a main three day

intensive training. One would be on confidence, confidence mastery, the other one would be messaged mastery, so that digs into and gets in, you know, deeply into your mission, vision and purpose. Because when that is clear, it’s powerful than that threads, everything that you do and gives you the clarity that you really, that is that is very powerful, that helps you in the process of negotiating, that helps you in leading your teams that helps in all of those areas, and relationship mastery that that is just kind of everywhere, that’s our emotional fitness and building and strengthening those capacities. The the kind of thing that would be in the year would be group coaching calls. So like every two weeks, that would be a coaching call and let and lab we’d have weekly office hours where people can set up a time where where there’s one on one, it would still be a public call, where people could also hear what other people are dealing with and learn from others. You know, learning from one another is such a powerful way to learn. It’s not only you know, me and my situation, but oftentimes others will raise issues that we haven’t thought of, or that we haven’t met yet, or that we were too afraid to write raise or that we know we’re so focused on this one at the moment but the problem we had last week we’ve already forgotten about what we still need to solve it. So hearing and you know listening to how other people are dealing with things is such a powerful way for us to learn now monkey see monkey do this the simian is sorry, I think about monkeys a lot these days because second son has made this VR game about gorillas and monkeys and so anyway, it’s it’s really quite funny. Lately, he put some music and then now now the monkeys are all dancing on the top of the speaker. Sorry to go. But we I think we really are monkeys that at some level. Anyway, so you know, monkey see monkey do we really do learn from one another powerfully. The idea of setting up even student led accountability groups so that you know a couple of you, you know a few of you get together and just meet on a weekly basis to keep one another on track. It can be a short meeting, it can be you know, 45 minutes to an hour allocated just to stay on track. That’s a powerful tool. That, that helps, again, support learning and practice and down the road, looking at a building out and negotiate as network so that people can practice to get up and have those, you know, people like to practice said that public speaking but I think having the opportunity to practice negotiating with one another and to set up like a little practice moments, I think would be a really fun thing to do. And so to create some kind of a network like that, that’s probably a little bit down the road. But that’s one of the things that I’m thinking as we get a few more people to work together. Of course, there would be a private Master, you know, where people can talk amongst one another. It would be similar to a Facebook group on a won’t be Facebook group. And then, of course, making available online, the the training, the videos, the resources, and all of that sort of stuff available. So that’s the kind of thing that would be available in the year long program. Then, of course, I’m planning on having bonus material. For example, anytime that the negotiated master class gets upgraded, you’re always even you guys are always invited back to every, every time I have a master negotiators, negotiators master class, you’re always welcome to come back into it, any of the latest training program wants it like I am the beta class, the materials for the beta class won’t be made available to others, then

you will get access to the next round of beta of materials for the negotiators master class. And I am arranging other materials for you from other resources, not just from myself. So they will be made available to you, I just wanted to give you an idea of some of the stuff, the idea behind the velocity, the next membership level is is more for organizations. So that would be people would sign up at an organizational level a small group of people or in so pricing would have to change according to numbers, of course, but the concept there is to also then bring in small teams into the training, and then to bring that training also to customize it for the organizational level. So how that gets that how that gets, you know, that’s very customized and gets that will, you know, be built out down the road. But it’s geared towards organizational excellence. So helping provide the systems and programs support for this kind of learning within the organization. So it’s not totally rearranging an organization as much as ensuring that that there are certain things that are supportive of the kinds of skill set that I’m being learned here that I’m valuable, organizationally to help support it taking root in the organization so that it becomes part of the culture of the organization. So that’s the purpose there is to help provide the organizational strategies and systems so that what is being learned in the mastermind in the mastermind is that the content of the negotiators master class, and then the more in depth learning that takes place over the course of the year, the year can become more of what is the the the culture of the organization. And I think those of you who have ever studied organizational development, organizational systems, you know, that that the quote unquote, intangible of the culture is so powerful. It, it, it, it’s the soft stuff, that is the hard stuff that can really make or break an organization. And it has a very real dark bottom dollar. Number two, the impact that it has on on organizations. And so it’s all about integrating systems that are scalable, at every level for our digital in a globalizing world. So that we can support high performance and high performance that is respectful, fully respectful of our who we are as human beings, who we are as human beings. That’s, I think, some organizations extract high performance at a cost. And, and that in the end doesn’t even create the best environment for it doesn’t create the optimal environment, for innovation, for adaptation, for the ability to be agile and adaptive in our fast changing world. And yet, these are really, really critical elements. So the velocity mentorship is really for teams. And they get to participate in all the accelerate activities and trainings. And then there were, in addition to all of the stuff that’s in, in the accelerate, then they would also get customized training programs that would be mapped out prepared, uniquely customized for the business. And then, and, and constructed for them. So that’s kind of that that way, you’ve got a bit of an idea of what is going on the pricing on all of this, I’m still working on that one. So, but I just wanted you to have an idea of what’s what’s, what is down the road, in terms of schedule, just so because we’re we’ve got about a minute and I want to wrap this up really quickly. What’s next, I know a number of you I, we’ve said that I would talk with you again, sometime. Because of my schedule, which I, I have to also build in a little bit of a way time. Next week, I’m going away on a family vacation. And the following week or two, I’m going to be out of commission, because I got a little bit of surgery going on. So taking that into consideration. And not wanting this to and wanting to keep something going for those of you who are interested in participating on, I’m suggesting perhaps that maybe if there’s, if you do have time, today or tomorrow,

I don’t know whether I can find I’ll try to drop that that, you know, book a time for today or tomorrow before I fly out really early Saturday morning. If those times don’t work for you send me an email and we’ll set something up for probably in a few weeks time. And then we’ll talk but my my current plan is that we would start for those interested in continuing on September 7, going there, the bonus classes for you guys to keep you going until the B accelerate really begins at the end of November. And December is the I’m wanting to have something say every two weeks. And so starting the seventh of September, I want to start with a an introduction to the TQ algorithm. And that’s really a transform a Transformative Resilience checklist and tool I want to go over what that is and how to use it. Then you’re invited back into the the October 7 negotiators masterclass, but the bonus classes will continue on September 7, and probably every two weeks through to November, I’ll have something for you. And then December 3, the accelerate mastermind will begin with a customized rose roadmap and VIP day, and then come then December happens end of the year, etc, etc. And then we’ll start with the confidence mastery boost boot camp, a three day event starting in January. So that just gives you an idea of what would be happening going forward. And I just wanted to give that to you. So you knew. And the option is totally up to you. That’s about where it is. I haven’t done a total summary of this, this this five weeks that was even shortened because of my existing schedule. My apologies for that. The next negotiators masterclass will be will be six weeks in all and will be a little bit different than this. And you’re more than welcome to come back. And join us for that and see how different it is. We’ll see how similar it is see what stay see what changed. So I’ll leave it at that I will put in the chat. I think I can find the URL.

Oops. Oops, isn’t ever sound really good, but they’re not bad.

If anybody wants to make a call and go over any next steps, pricing and all of those sorts of things that are still I’m still fudging and playing with but you guys absolutely will get a price that nobody my plan is for. For the accelerate program in in, when I sell it in in November, it’ll be it’ll be around eight $9,000 for the year. But you guys will get a really good deal. Whatever that’s going to be, so I’ll leave it. I’ll leave it at that leaving it wondering if you want Find out what it is come on over and talk to me. But other than that, any questions at this stage? Any, any questions about anything, any part of the course anything going forward, we can always follow up and talk more. You know, my, my zoom is almost always open. You can always grab me. And my email works.

I don’t have any questions, but I just I want to thank you for laying it out so beautifully and thoughtfully. As a course, curriculum designer, I know how hard that is. And I’m excited if there was, you know, a way for me to refer people to you as well, that I think could really benefit I, I’ve got a few people in mind. Because what I’ve learned over the course of it was just like, it’s not just these, you know, high level high stakes work negotiations, it’s, you know, Camila with the the guy with the car rental cutting in line, we can apply these things everywhere. So I really used it in my life. And, and in situations, even with my mother, where it’s really helped me be a better listener and ask important questions. And I love them. And, you know, it seems to me those are like my go to, but I’m really helpful. And so as I’m talking Oh, and then I was going to share it. Like I actually do coaching with survivors for employment. And she had an interview today, and was going through all this stuff. And so I was even able to apply the wisdom and coaching her about how to ask questions in the interview and build her confidence was just a couple of little key things. So it’s the ripple effect has begun. And I’m excited to continue. And thank you.

Thank you, Cynthia. And yeah, I will, I will let you all know, where people can sign up for the next program. So that Yep, you do have a way to sign up. And I’ll you know, well. Yeah, probably, I’m thinking I probably should have some kind of an introductory webinars, something about it so that people can get some idea of a taste of it, in addition to your recommendation. But definitely I will keep you informed about where where people can sign up and things like that. Thank you. much. Appreciate it. And so wonderful to hear that it’s that it’s making a difference already that that makes this wonderful for me. Thank you.

It’s thanks, Karen. That’s been wonderful. I’ve got lots of notes. And I love your systems. And I have a son who’s going to go into a negotiating situation soon. So I will be there saying this is what I’ve learned. You need to learn antastic mentally, okay, all the best. Thank you. Nice rest. Yeah. Good night. Okay, morning. Thank you. Read the white criminal summary.

And I guess there was one thing I forgot to ask. Maybe some time if anybody, I’ll send out an invitation to to write a testimonial or something like that. Because, you know, even just a simple testimonial from this would be helpful for me to be able to say, well, Cynthia said or my you know, because Post said, you know, that would be just really helpful to me, so, thank you. Yeah.

I’ll follow up. Happy to do that. Yeah, thank you, Cynthia. Yeah, dash to my negotiation. Yeah. Ready? Are you ready? I gotta be ready. Yep. You’re gonna do so much. Yeah. Yeah. How it went, you know, I will definitely let you know. Yeah. Okay. Thanks, everyone. I really, really appreciated everyone’s input in this has been great. It’s been a fantastic,

fantastic group. Yeah, we’ll have to have to get back together. I’ll invite everybody to a re gathering or something in the next before the next program or something like that. Great. Yeah. Thanks. Good. Thank you, Cynthia. Everybody here my husband boxing in the background. Actually, so I was just me. Okay. Same time, so I’m so glad you made it. I know Fatima, I’m so glad you were able to make it today. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. You missed a couple of them but really glad that you made it. Yeah. Yeah. No. Thank you so much. It was a very lovely session. Lovely. Five weeks, six weeks. Yeah. Five weeks, five weeks. Anyway, all the videos are there to re listen to and Yeah. Look forward to seeing you around. Well, I will have to have definitely have a beta reunion. I don’t know whether that’s we’ll have one. We’ll make it a thing.

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